


Shrouded by Mist

by Shinobiilluminator



Category: Secret of Kells (2009)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-11
Updated: 2017-03-21
Packaged: 2018-05-06 01:58:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5398541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shinobiilluminator/pseuds/Shinobiilluminator
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How much are you willing to sacrifice in order to protect the one you love?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a bit of a follow up to "Breaking Vows".

The morning sun crept up just beyond the top of the cliffs; hues of golden light began to fill the misty valley below. 

Aidan finally awoke. 

He glanced down at his sleeping apprentice who was curled up against his chest.  
Brendan looked so at peace he didn’t have the heart to wake him.  
Aidan smiled and gently left a kiss on Brendan’s forehead. 

The older monk then carefully freed himself from his apprentice’s tight embrace, making sure not to disturb him while he slept, and tucked the blanket over Brendan’s shoulders. 

The young apprentice began to stir in protest, but soon relaxed and curled up under the covers to continue on peacefully slumbering. 

Aidan then flung on his robe and quietly crept out the door to the river for a quick bath. His cat, Pangur Ban, stirred from her morning nap and observed him as he stepped out and scanned across the valley. 

All was very quiet, only a few birds in the trees broke the silence with their songs. The mist still clung to the morning air, but Aidan could tell there was no one else around. 

He stripped himself of his robe and sandals before dipping his foot to test the water. The sudden coolness sent shivers up his spine, but he soon eased his way into the pond and submerged himself into its crystal clear waters. 

Aidan then touched back to the surface and threw his long silvery white hair over his shoulders. He swam under the small waterfall and let its fresh water run down his locks. The coolness of the water helped him ease the tension in his joints.  
Once he felt clean, he sat back against the edge of the pond and let himself soak a little longer as he silently began his morning prayers. Aidan had to admit it did feel very relaxing this way.

All was quaint…until something rustling through the grass broke his concentration. 

Before he could even peak around his shoulder to look, a figure suddenly leaped over him and splashed into the water!

“Yeee Haaah!” Brendan cried out with excitement as he plunged into the river, narrowly missing his master by a few feet!

Aidan flinched as water drenched his face again. 

Brendan giggled hesitantly as he came back to the surface to face him. 

But Aidan only grinned as he began laughing and splashing him right back, causing Brendan to burst out laughing with him.  
The two of them wrestled in the water, both playfully dunking the other in the pond and ruffling each other’s hair until they were worn out.  
All the while, Brendan couldn’t stop giggling. 

“Alright, alright, enough joking around, lad, I’ll get breakfast going,” Aidan chuckled, as he pulled himself out of the pond to dry off, twisting and squeezing water out his hair as he did so. 

“Aww, I was just getting started! That was too much fun,” Brendan replied, shaking water off as he followed him.

“I know it was, lad, now come along, there’s plenty work to be done.” Aidan smiled, as he slipped himself back into his white robe and helped Brendan get dressed. 

The two of them made their way back to the hut. Pangur stretched and greeted them as she flopped onto her back. Brendan then knelt down and gingerly rubbed at her soft belly.  
Aidan observed from the side as he gave his hair a quick brushing, before putting himself to work at the fireplace. 

“I had one of the most pleasant dreams last night,” Brendan said, before pitching in to help prepare the ingredients. 

“Oh really, lad, what about?” Aidan replied curiously.

“Well… I dreamt of this woman.” Brendan murmured.

“A woman? Was it Aisling?” Aidan asked.

“No… She uh… She was different.” The young monk responded. 

Aidan rose in eyebrow and listened closely as he kept stirring the oats in the cauldron. 

“This woman had bright blue eyes and fiery red hair… She looked so beautiful. We sat and talked for what felt like hours in a meadow. Her voice was so comforting when she spoke to me… I never felt so at home before,” Brendan explained. 

Aidan paused for a moment, his brow bent in thought, as he let the oats come to a boil. 

“Did you recognize her, lad?” Aidan asked.

“No…But I feel I should have though…” Brendan replied, sensing his master already knew the answer. 

Aidan smiled warmly. 

“Well lad, I’ve got reasons to believe that was your mother you’ve dreamt of,” Aidan said. 

Brendan was astonished; at the moment Aidan mentioned her, long lost memories came flooding back.

“Of course…” 

He felt slightly disheartened with himself that he had nearly forgotten what his own mother looked like. But then again, he was only a baby when he last saw her alive, yet it didn’t make the pain any easier to bear.  
Brendan recalled his uncle never spoke of her very often, but when he did he had nothing but good things to say about her. 

“Brother Aidan, you knew my mother, didn’t you?” Brendan spoke. 

“Ceather? Yes… Oh yes, I knew her. Your mother was there for me when very few were at the time… Not only was she incredibly gifted, but she was also an uncommonly kind woman. Such gifts I believe she’s passed on to you, lad,” Aidan answered. 

“I wonder how she would react to our relationship…” Brendan muttered.

Aidan suddenly grew very quiet, before slowly returning to his work at the cauldron. 

“…It’s better off not to speak on behalf of the dead, my boy. Hardly any good comes out of it. One of these days you’ll understand why… Now eat your breakfast, lad, you’ll feel much better afterwards,” Aidan softly replied, handing Brendan a bowl of porridge.

Brendan nodded and sat at the table with him and ate his fill. 

Once Aidan was done, he took a quick glance at the book of Iona and leafed through a few pages. Brendan curiously looked up as he gulped down the last of his meal. Aidan then got up and examined the shelves of ink they had stashed away. The older monk frowned when he came to an empty flask. 

“Hmm, just as I thought…” Aidan said, as he scanned around for other ingredients.

“What’s wrong?” Brendan asked.

“We’re just about out of gold-leaf ink, and we’ll be needing quite a bit of it for this next page,” Aidan replied, as he scratched at his bristly chin. 

Brendan looked a tad worried, he wasn’t familiar with the ingredients for this particular ink.

“Where do you suppose we get it? The forest? Or a wasp nest perhaps?” Brendan inquired.

Aidan shook his head. 

“No, I’ll have to look for gold-leaf powder in town, some foreign traders from Asia are bound to have it. But you can stay here and work on the foundations for this page while I’m gone, boy. We’ve done this countless times before, I’m sure you’ve gotten the hang of it by now.”

“Alright. Just be careful,” Brendan responded.

“Oh, I will. But don’t you worry, lad. It won’t take long,” his master gently replied, grabbing his satchel and coin pouch. 

Pangur exchanged a few stern looks with her owner. But Aidan smiled reassuringly in return before heading out the door.  
\----------

The Ionian monk treaded the winding pathway up the valley’s cliffs. He knew by the time he would reach the top the path to the nearest town was a straightforward journey. A few miles in he could spot the clusters of huts and thatched roofs in the distance. 

Things looked quite busy, people passed him by with wagons and oxen grumbling as they went. Aidan did his best to remain vigilant amongst the constant hustle and bustle around him, making sure his feet or cloak didn’t get stepped on by any passing villagers or oxen. 

At last he spotted a middle-aged Asian man from China tending to his inventory. However, as Aidan gave a glance at what was leftover, things didn’t look quite as promising as he had hoped. Only a few pouches of foreign spices were present in the baskets. But Aidan knew it wouldn’t hurt just to simply ask.

“Beg your pardon sir, but you wouldn’t happen to carrying any gold-leaf powder with you?” He asked.

The man gave him a rather toothy grin and said, “Oh, afraid we’re all out of that kind of powder, sir. Our next load of cargo will get here next month.” 

The man’s accent was very thick, but Aidan was able to understand most of what he said to him. He politely bowed his head to him and moved on. 

As Aidan looked though the other foreign trader’s inventory, it became very clear to him that most of the fine powders for ink had already been taken. Disappointed, he tried to ease his way through the crowded road and find his way back. However, along his way back a familiar old voice called out to him. 

“Bee in your bonnet, my dear Brother Aidan?”

Aidan turned around to find an old woman with a long silky white braid and earthy colored robes quickening her pace to meet him. 

“Ophelia, what brings you here?” 

“Oh, only a few spools of thread for my latest work. But the real question is what brings you here? You were looking very frustrated with something,” The old seamstress asked. 

“Ah, my apprentice and I have run out of gold-leaf powder for ink, and it appears I’m far too late in getting more,” Aidan explained.

Ophelia perked up.

“Gold-leaf you say? Well, as a matter of fact I happen to have a fair portion of it back at my hut, I personally have no use for it at the moment, so you may gladly take it off my hands,” she responded. 

“Really? My goodness, thank you so much!” Aidan smiled ecstatically. 

“Oh, no trouble at all. Besides, I’ve got a little extra treat waiting for you and your apprentice, Brendan,” Ophelia added.

Aidan looked a tad baffled at first, but he gladly followed her lead. 

Inside her hut, Ophelia rooted through her leather pouches for her stash. As she was looking around, Aidan took the time to admire her tapestries she was working on.  
There he saw a half woven scarlet dragon entangled in its own body in a Celtic knot design with a black and gold threaded boarder encircling it. 

“I must say, your work is quite exquisite,” Aidan complimented. 

“Why thank you, my friend, hopefully my client will think so too. --Ah! Here you have it, gold-leaf powder as promised,” Ophelia happily replied, as she traded him the pouch for five pieces of silver. 

“Many thanks, my lady, you’ve been very helpful,” Aidan replied. 

“You are most welcome-- Oh! And one more thing…”

“Hm?” 

The old seamstress soon returned with a leather pouch filled with plump and juicy strawberries. 

“My garden’s berries have been quite abundant of late. So give my regards to your boy, Brendan, for me. You both have been working so hard on that book of yours,” she said, handing it over to him. 

Aidan was flattered.

“Ophelia, you are much too kind,” he smiled, graciously accepting her gift.

“It’s the least I can do after you both helped me settle down here in this town. Now, you’d better be on your way and take care of that boy of yours,” the old seamstress replied.

“Take care, Ophelia,” Aidan nodded.

“He’s very fond of you, you know…” 

Aidan paused to glance behind. 

But Ophelia merely winked at him and returned to her work on the tapestry. 

Aidan wasn’t entirely sure what context she meant by that, but he brushed it off as a gentle compliment and nothing more before moving on. 

Along road back home, Aidan spotted a slow moving wagon being driven by two elderly women while their two black hulking oxen pulled them forward at a steady pace. The wagon practically took up the width of the road, and the path hugged alongside the cliff. So any thoughts about passing them without falling down the 60-foot drop to the sea below were completely out of the question.

But the Ionian monk was patient; he knew the main entrance to the valley was close by now; all he had to do was just hang in there and bide his time. However, as he slowly treaded behind them, Aidan caught wind of the old women’s conversation. 

“So, did you hear about what happened down at the abbey?” One said to the other.

“What?”

“They caught a priest raping the boys who were staying there!”

Aidan tensed up. 

“He did what?!” The old woman shrieked.

“That’s what I told ya! They say he had been preying upon them for quite some time now. Tying them down, covering their screams, and cutting them with a knife if they didn’t obey. He was relishing in their pain as he did all sorts of god-forsaken things to them. Like a wolf amongst lambs, the retrenched beast!”

“How’d he get found out?”

“I’ll tell ya, one of the boys broke loose and ran screaming battered and naked to the Abbot begging for his help. Like out of some dreadful nightmare they say. They’ve caught that man now, and he’s locked away behind bars. Lord knows what they’re doing to him now!”

Aidan didn’t want to hear anymore; the news was too terrible for words. His heart went out to the boys who had gone through hell, but he felt his stomach cramp up whenever the priest was brought up. He tried to slow down his pace and ignore their ramblings. But the old crones kept getting louder as they carried on their conversation. 

“Those poor boys, they’ll never be the same after that… That man will hang for sure!” 

“Not hang dear sister, BURN! I’ve heard they’ve already made arrangements to have him burned at the stake in a few days’ time now.”

“Heh, and good riddance too. At times like these, it’s men like him who deserve to burn.”

Aidan stopped dead in his tracks, shaken by the old crone’s story. He had heard countless tales of lustful monks and priests who used and abused their child apprentices out of sexual spite before, but this one in particular made his stomach twist inside him. 

All sorts of questions came flooding through his mind.

What on earth did that make him then? Was he no better than they were?  
\--No! No! It’s can’t be true, he loves the boy and Brendan loves him, he knows that. He’s nothing like them…  
Right……?

…But others won’t know… and others won’t care, until there’s blood from either of them on the executioner’s block.  
\--ENOUGH!  
He thought harshly, and brought himself slowly back to reality. 

Aidan stared blankly as the wagon continued far away down the path until it vanished into the mist. 

Mist…?

Strange, he could have sworn the air was clear not too long ago. The older monk looked around to find thick storm clouds moving in and the mist growing thicker on the path.

Wasting no time, Aidan bolted down the road and found the entrance leading him back home. All the while feeling like every step he took some unseen presence was judging him.

\--------

Brendan was growing worried.  
Aidan told him it would be was quick task, yet taken several hours for him to do so. He realized he was beginning to sound like his uncle. 

Aidan was old, but he was never slow, on the contrary he was very fast for a man his age. Perhaps the road to town was busy or the oncoming storm has slowed him down? Or worst yet something happened to him on the journey. A Wolf…? Or a Viking perhaps? 

Brendan felt Pangur Ban leap onto his shoulders and brush up against him. The boy smiled in relief.

“I know Pangur, I’m worrying too much... But why would he be so late all of the sudden?” Brendan spoke, as he peaked out of the window. 

He saw bright streaks of lightening rip through the sky with a loud thunder crack. 

Brendan flinched at the sound and drew back. 

“Maybe I’d better go looking for him, Pangur, he couldn’t have gone too far,” Brendan said to his cat, as he fastened his cloak. 

Pangur Ban mewed worriedly and leapt after him. 

As Brendan pulled away the fabric door, a cloud of thick mist greeted him.  
The young apprentice bit at his lip and took a lit candle with him. 

“Keep close to me, Pangur, the mist looks pretty bad,” Brendan warned, as he scanned his surroundings as he cautiously stepped out the door.

The young apprentice shielded his candlelight from the oncoming dampness. He ignored the moisture that was clinging to his robe and kept stepping forward into the blinding mist.  
Brendan knew deep down he had nothing to fear. There are no wolves—or Vikings in this area. But the scary thought of having an intruder stare at him within the mist did cross his mind every once and while.  
Pangur was only a few steps behind him as they reached the rocked slope, when suddenly she stopped in her tracks as she heard something in the distance. 

“What is it, Pangur?” Brendan asked, holding his candlelight to the mist. 

He couldn’t hear it at first, but as the young apprentice softened his breath he could hear the faint patter of stones soon turned into loud scuttles of footsteps charging in his direction at full speed. 

Brendan let out of shriek as he narrowly darted out of the way of his master as he stormed through the mist. Pangur hissed and jumped just in time. Aidan let out of gasp as he slid to a complete stop.

“Collum Cille’s beard, boy!! What on earth are you doing all the way out here?!” Aidan cried out, putting a hand on his chest to catch his breath. 

“Sorry, Brother. You were gone for so long I thought I’d start searching for you,” Brendan explained.

“Good heavens boy, you didn’t need to do that,” Aidan smiled and ruffled at his red hair. 

Suddenly a loud roar or thunder bellowed across the sky, sending sheets of rain across the land.

“Well come along boy, before we’re all soaked to the bone,” Aidan said, cloaking Brendan out of the rain as he guided their way back to the cell. 

Once inside, Aidan took off his wet cloak and added a few more logs to the fire. Pangur furiously shook off the rainwater off her coat and settled herself near the hearth to groom her white fur. Brendan stood by his master and reached his hands out towards the fireplace to warm them up. 

“Did you get what you were looking for?” Brendan asked. 

“Hm? Oh yes, Ophelia was very generous and gave me her stash of gold-leaf powder. But on top of that she also gave us this,” Aidan replied, bringing out the leather pouch. 

Brendan’s eyes widened as he pulled open the bag to find the plump, ruby red, fruit.

“Strawberries! Ophelia has outdone herself this time!” he beamed. 

Aidan nodded, “Perhaps once we’re done working on this page, we can share them as a treat.” 

“Sounds like a good idea to me,” the young monk replied and jumped into work.

Brendan felt ecstatic as he attentively watched Aidan show him how to development of the gold ink. Before long the hut had essence of golden glitter wafting its way through the air. 

“Cover your mouth and nose lad, you don’t want to be inhaling this,” Aidan warned, guarding his own with the collar of his robe. 

The two monks fanned the shimmering particles out the door with their cloaks.  
Brendan then looked that the finished result; the gleaming ink looked like a king’s melted down treasure trove. 

“Beautiful…” He whispered.

Aidan smiled, offering his apprentice a quill to try it out. 

Brendan gladly took it and settled down at the desk to start coloring the vellum page.  
Aidan watched over his shoulder as he witnessed the images being brought to life with a few wisps of the feather quill.

Before long, Brendan was diving into intense detail. However, Aidan’s expression changed once he saw the figures being drawn onto the paper. 

Pairs of men sat facing each other with their legs intertwined with the others legs as they both were reaching out holding hands and braiding their beards together in a Celtic knot pattern. The first row had them both clothed, the second had one of the men naked, and the third had both men naked. As beautifully intricate as it was to look at, Aidan couldn’t shake the feeling that there was a more suggestive meaning behind Brendan’s drawing. 

The older monk wanted to beg the question to Brendan, but floods of grim thoughts from the old hag’s story stifled his urge to ask. Silently Aidan sat at his seat across from his apprentice debating about his final decision. 

Brendan grabbed a handful of strawberries and began biting into them one by one as he took the time to look over his work’s progress. He felt very pleased with his drawing so far.  
The young apprentice glanced up from the page to find Aidan deep in his thoughts staring into the dead of space. He looked so serious… far too serious to Brendan’s liking. 

Brendan then picked out a large strawberry from the leather pouch and brought it closer to his master’s face in hopes to brighten up his mood. 

Aidan paid no attention to the berry until it suddenly brushed up against his lips, which caused him to flinch. He then stopped to notice Brendan holding it out to him. Aidan then gave a small chuckle before accepting it and biting down on the bright, juicy, fruit. 

But as delicious as the berry was, it wasn’t enough to bring Aidan out of his glum state afterwards as he soon sank deeper into his thoughts once more. 

Brendan was puzzled.

“What’s the matter, Brother Aidan? You’re not usually this quiet,” Brendan asked.

Aidan blinked.

“Hm? Oh… It’s nothing, lad,” He reassured, forcing a smile across his lips. 

Brendan didn’t feel convinced in the slightest.

“Aidan… If something is bothering you can just tell me,” he responded.

Aidan’s gaze shifted.

“Brendan… Why did you draw those men like that?” He asked.

“Oh, them… You said to draw things that gave us inspiration. So I drew us together.”

“Us…?” Aidan replied questionably. 

“Well, more in an indirect way really. I drew our bond, it’s what’s been inspiring me the most with these last couple of pages,” Brendan explained. 

A part of Aidan’s heart softened when he heard that, but as soon as he glanced down at the drawing again his stomach tensed up once more at the sexually driven configuration. 

“I don’t understand. What is the problem, Aidan? You’ve been acting strange since you got back,” Brendan asked, growing more concerned for his master. 

Aidan sighed and finally confessed. 

“Lad… On my way back from the village… I had gotten word of a priest who had been taking his sexual aggression out on the young boys at the monastery not too far from here.” 

Brendan was stunned.

“That’s awful… Has he been caught?” Brendan responded. 

The older monk nodded. 

“Brendan…… I think it’s best that we stop this relationship.” Aidan muttered.

Brendan’s eyes widened with utter confusion. 

“Aidan! What are saying? You’re nothing like that; you’d never hurt me! Why do we have to stop because of them?! We can go on with our secrets as usual, no one else knows about this,” Brendan replied. 

“Brendan! Look at us! A 62 year old monk caught with and 13 year old boy… they’ll kill us, lad… they’ll find it unnatural.” Aidan scolded. 

Brendan couldn’t believe the words coming from Aidan’s mouth. He sounded so cold as he spoke. It didn’t sound like him at all, and it scared him.

“But why’d you do it then?! Back at Kells, in the scriptorium?? If you knew the rules back then too, why did you do it with me?” He questioned, trying his hardest to hide the trembling in his voice. 

“I was a fool, Brendan! We both were…! I should have known better than to fall into temptation so easily like that...! I shouldn’t have let you touch me like that…… And I shouldn’t have touched you…” Aidan hissed with his voice riddled in fear, pain, regret, and frustration. 

Brendan couldn’t hold back his tears anymore.

“Don’t you love me anymore…?” 

Aidan trembled. 

It pained him to see Brendan cry.  
He desperately wanted to say yes, but a knot inside seized him by his throat and silenced him. What came out instead made Aidan feel betrayed by his own words.

“It’s not natural…” 

Brendan’s sad expression had soon faded into a frown.

“…Coward…” he hissed.

Aidan’s eyes widened.

“You always were… You’re no different from the rest of them!”

Aidan was broken.  
Brendan’s words felt like Vikings swords coming down upon his aching heart.  
Aidan sadly reached toward his apprentice, desperately wishing he could take everything back.

“Brendan…”

“STAY AWAY FROM ME!” Brendan screamed at him and bolted outside. 

“Brendan! Wait!!” Aidan cried out, as he quickly followed his way to the door. 

He watched from afar as Brendan ran under the oak, fall to his knees, and began to cry. 

The old monk wanted to go and comfort him so badly, but he knew all too well that he wasn’t welcome around Brendan anymore.

He backed away and sat heavily at the table. Aidan then slammed his fist on the wooden surface out of frustration and started crying too. His mind felt like it was being split in two, as if two wolves were fighting over a piece of meat.  
On one hand he felt he was doing the right thing in order to protect them both, but on the other he felt as if he was opening wounds that weren’t even there to begin with. 

Aidan’s blurry, tear glazed, vision caught a glimpse of the book and that wretched drawing tainting its page. He then seized Brendan’s quill and was ready to scratch it off the face of the earth.  
The point was mere centimeters away from touching the vellum... but Aidan couldn't bring himself to ruin Brendan’s work. He stopped and shakily lay the quill down. 

“Oh there’s nothing in this life but mist…” Aidan grumbled to himself, holding his head in his hands. 

There he rubbed the tears from his eyes, took the crystal, and gave the drawing a proper look. 

The men’s faces were warm and inviting as they held the hands of their partners. Their intertwined legs hugged their lovers into a tight and loving embrace. Each pair of men were expressing different levels of intimacy. 

The more Aidan looked at the drawing the more entranced he became.  
Was this the bond that Brendan claimed they shared?

It was beautiful…

Aidan took the quill and carefully finished the last few details on the image before setting it aside to dry. 

“Oh Brendan… Why can I only see dark when you can still see light?” Aidan whispered, feeling tears stream down his eyes once more.


	2. Chapter 2

Brendan awoke outside on the dew covered ground. He couldn’t recall how long he had been asleep and felt utterly chilled to the bone. 

Pangur then came and nestled herself against him. 

“Morning Pangur… Sorry I’ve slept so long,” Brendan said, giving her snowy white head a gentle caress before getting up and brushing himself dry. 

The young monk could smell the scent of fresh fish stew coming from their hut. He recalled everything that happened the night before and wasn’t at all looking forward to confronting Aidan again. 

Pangur mewed expectantly.

“Yes, Pangur… I’m coming…” Brendan sighed, and slowly followed the cat’s lead, as a sickening lump started to form inside his chest. 

Brendan stepped quietly into the hut and sat down at the table. Aidan glanced at him before slowly returning back to his work at the fireplace, without saying a word. Brendan swallowed hard, his master looked just as discontent as he did. 

Brendan did admit he did feel horribly guilty for saying those dreadful things to Aidan. But something deep inside him kept him from uttering any apologies to his master. Wishfully he hoped Aidan had changed his mind about their relationship and everything could go back to the way things were. But a knot in his gut kept telling Brendan that it wasn’t going to be easy to persuade him.

The older monk promptly dished out the stew and sat across from his apprentice. Brendan then noticed that the page he had been working on last night had been moved… Or worst destroyed.

“Aidan?... Where’s the page?” 

The older monk glanced up at him.

“I put it away for now… We can come back to it later. Today, we’ll be working on a boarder page,” Aidan replied, before ripping off a piece of bread to soak up the broth. 

Brendan wasn’t sure if he believed him. But he didn’t bother putting him up to question and ate his stew in silence. It hurt too much just thinking about Aidan destroying his work while he was gone.

Aidan took notice of the frown on his apprentice’s face and paused from his meal. He knew he couldn’t ignore it any longer. 

“I know you’re upset, lad… But try to understand. I’m only doing this to protect us both. We don’t know how much hysteria folks must be having after the incident at the abbey… and we don’t know who else might be watching us,” Aidan sighed, trying his best to explain the circumstances as best as he could. 

“I know…… But how long do we have to hide like this?” Brendan asked. 

“Until it’s safe…”

Brendan frowned in question.

“Now don’t give me that look, lad… We can still be friends, can’t we?”

Brendan’s expression softened. He did have a point there.

“I know you won’t like it as much… But it’s still something, right? After all, we’re still living together under that same roof. Heh, think about it for a moment, it will be just like how things were between us back at Kells,” Aidan said, hoping to make a compromise somehow. 

“Alright…… But how were things between us back then? How different were we then compared to now? I can’t tell the difference.” Brendan replied, growing a tad confused by his master’s suggestion. 

Aidan was about to respond when he suddenly found himself being taken back by Brendan’s questions. He ended up thinking twice about what else they had done that might have crossed the line between student and master, and friend to lover. The more he thought about it the more the line began to blur, which made Aidan feel very unsure of himself too. 

“I… I can’t tell either, Brendan… But, you know what I mean, don’t you? No flirtatious jokes, no suggestive gestures or embraces, no kisses, no—“

“No sex…?” Brendan muttered. 

Aidan tensed up.

“Yes… Of course no sex…” He exhaled. 

Brendan looked just as sorrowful as he did. 

“I know, Brendan… I don’t like it either… But, lad… We never needed those things in the past, right…? We can help each other persevere, as always. You’re a strong and wonderful boy. I know you can do this… Or at least do it for me,” Aidan added, desperately incorporating what little encouraging thoughts he had left into his speech. 

Brendan thought pensively, he knew it would not be an easy change to readjust to. But he somehow worked up a smile just for him and said,

“Alright… I’ll do it.”

The older monk smiled in return. 

“Thank you, Brendan…” Aidan replied, as he reached across the table and gave his apprentice’s cheek a stroke.

Suddenly Aidan recoiled; realizing he was already breaking his own rules and tucked his hand back inside his sleeve with a guilty look on his face. 

Brendan’s relatively cheerful expression had faded back into a look of remorse.

“S-Sorry, lad. I… I’m afraid this also means I’m not allowed to touch you as much as I used to,” Aidan sighed. 

“Oh… I… I see…” Brendan’s gaze lowered sorrowfully, as he tried to finish the rest of his breakfast.

Aidan had lost his appetite.  
His fists clenched as he silently started swearing at himself.

He could see Pangur sitting off to the side glaring at him out of frustration.

Well now you’ve done it, you old fool!  
Look at the rubbish you’ve gotten yourselves into….

“Um… Tell you what, Brendan. Why don’t we go down to the woods today? We can drop by the seashore if you like?” Aidan suggested, hoping to brighten things up in some way. 

“Uh, alright,” Brendan replied, with his voice sounding a little more encouraging. 

Aidan smiled.

“I figured we needed something to help lift our spirits a bit after starting the day off on such a low note. Besides, some fresh air ought to help us later when we return to our work on the book. Now finish your breakfast, lad, we’ll be heading off shortly.”

Brendan nodded.  
Both drank the rest of the savory broth and set forth out the door.  
\----  
The morning dew had faded underneath the sultry sun, causing the woods to feel damp and steamy. Very little wildlife dared to show their faces as the master and apprentice wandered through the undergrowth. 

“Well, it sure turned out sunny today.” Brendan remarked, balancing on thick tree roots as he scoured his surroundings. 

“Aye, and humid too,” Aidan added, feeling his robe stick to his skin. 

Pangur puffed in agreement. 

Although it was nice to get out of the hut, Aidan couldn’t help but feel the air become dense and over bearing, almost like they were inside a kiln. He could tell Brendan was feeling it too; there had to be a way to cool off. 

“Say lad, I found a short cut to the cove a few days ago. We can cool off there for a bit until the humidity dies down,” The older monk suggested. 

“Really? That’ll be nice! This heat is killing me!” Brendan fanned himself.

“Aye, me too, lad. I’m afraid the woods will have to wait another time. Come along!” 

Brendan perked up and followed Aidan down a path in the undergrowth to a river of stepping-stones. His master was already in the lead and pulling back a few branches of to clear the path. The young apprentice hastily leapt from rock to rock to catch up and exited the woods.

Just beyond the greenery was the sea. It’s shimmering cool waters graced to-and-fro down the sandy beach. 

With a hop, skip, and a jump, Brendan had taken the lead and trotted to the seashore. Aidan followed not too far behind and let his feet soak in the gentle current beside him. They both breathed in the fresh sea breeze and stood there to take in the scenery around them. 

All was bathed in a peaceful silence…

That is until Brendan decided to take a handful of seawater and splash it into Aidan’s face.  
The older monk flinched at the sudden cool dampness, but he couldn’t help but grin.

“Pppft! Oh you little--- Take this!” Aidan laughed, before kicking a wave into Brendan. 

Brendan let out a high pitched squeak as the cold wave hit him. However, it only took him a moment to recover and retaliate with a splash attack of his own.

"That all you got, Aidan?"

The old monk shook the seawater from his long silver locks and shot his gaze back at this apprentice.

"You wish!" Aidan grinned, before whooshing another wave at him.

Brendan giggled as another surge of cool water flew at him. However, before the wave could fully drench him, the spry lad sprang backwards, avoiding most of the water. Brendan then slapped the tide, spraying Aidan with a mist before running away. 

"You'll have to be quicker than that, master!"

Aidan guarded his eyes from the water then darted ahead as soon as he caught sight of Brendan's fiery red hair. 

"Oh no you don't! You're not getting away from me that easily!" Aidan cackled.

Brendan heard Aidan's words and the sound of his feet splashing through the shallow tide, getting closer and closer. Brendan checked over his shoulder and verified that Aidan was gaining on him. With a gasp, the young monk picked up speed and tried running as fast as he could, hoping that his youthful vigor and spirited energy would out match his master's longer legs.

The older monk saw this and could only laugh louder, as he still kept getting closer on Brendan's tail. For an old man Aidan’s age, he was a surprisingly fast runner. He was about reach for his apprentice’s cloak, when suddenly Brendan made a sharp dart to his right, and then to his left. This surprised Aidan at first, but it wasn't enough to shake him off track. This only made their game of cat and mouse more fun, Aidan thought.

“Better keep running, boy! I’m coming for ya!” The old monk cackled.

“No! No! Stay away!” The young monk squealed back. 

Brendan fought desperately to stay in the lead, zigzagging left and right. However, he knew that he couldn't outrun his master forever. Aidan simply had too long of legs to outrun.  
Knowing this, Brendan decided to play a little dirty.  
He stopped momentarily and yelled.  
“Take this!”

With that, Brendan threw water up at Aidan's face, hoping to catch him off guard.  
\---And it worked!

"Gahhhh! Hey!" Aidan growled, feeling initial sting of the saltwater in his eyes.

This made the older monk stagger backwards until he wiped his eyes clean with his sleeve. There he saw Brendan had made a few strides ahead of him. But he could see the lad was having a hard time picking up speed in the deeper waters. 

Aidan's wicked grin grew across his face again. 

"Ohhh, so you thought you could get away with that, didn't ya, lad?!--- Well not if I can help it!" The old monk called out, charging at his apprentice at full speed. 

Brendan let out a yelp as he felt Aidan slam into his back and wrap his arms around him while the old monk dragged him down, giggling, into the shallows.

"Gah! I've gotcha!" Aidan laughed, pulling Brendan close as they both landed in the water with a big splash.

Still, even on the ground, Brendan still offered playful resistance.

"Hahah! No, I shall not be caught so easily!"

However, what Brendan didn't know was that his mock struggling was putting Aidan in a tough position. The old monk could not only feel the boy laughing and writhing above him, but he could also feel Brendan's soft body grind against him through his wet clothes.

Aidan blushed and loosened his grip around his apprentice. As fun and pleasant as it was, he knew he had new rules to follow--- this had to stop!

"A-alright, lad! Alright! You can be free now," Aidan granted, and opened up his arms for Brendan to be set loose and quickly straightened himself up.

Brendan noticed his master's sudden change in behavior. Aidan had gone from smiling and laughing along with him to completely still and somber in a matter of moments. The boy was about to ask why he'd stopped when he saw Aidan's face. He knew the answer just from the look in his master's eyes.

Still, it was so rare that they got a day off like this that Brendan didn't want to ruin their time together. At that moment, the boy pulled himself out of tide and walked to the shoreline. He was completely soaked. Though the water felt good on him, Brendan knew from experience that robes soaked in seawater tended to chafe after they dried.

With that in mind, Brendan stripped off his robe and laid them flat on a dry rock away from the shoreline to dry in the sun. The lad was so preoccupied with his task and was so used to being naked with his master that he didn't give Aidan a second thought.

Aidan felt much the same way; already he felt the seawater take effect on his clothes and he wanted to get out of them as soon as possible. He tried to brush off the incident as if it was a mere slip up and nothing more, when suddenly reality struck him. 

There he saw Brendan's fair form before him.  
He had been used to seeing him naked, but this day felt different. 

Aidan saw Brendan's perfect skin and sunset red hair glisten in the sunlight as seawater trickled down his flawlessly toned body. For a boy his age, he was indeed quite handsome and his rising maturity was enhancing it in full swing. He almost looked like one of the young Greek gods, Apollo, in this light, Aidan thought. 

However, the more Aidan stared at Brendan the more he realized how the lad began affecting him... in more ways than one.

He blinked and snapped himself out of his trance.

Just as Brendan finished stripping, he noticed movement out of the corner of his eye. When he turned to look, he saw Aidan slipping his robe back into place and turning away. Concerned, the boy walked up to him with not a single ounce of shame in his nudity and confronted his master.

"I-is everything alright, Aidan? You've been acting odd since we wrestled in the tide. I didn't hurt you, did I?"

Aidan blushed even harder when he noticed Brendan had gotten closer. But he tried his best not to give anything away.

"Hm? What? Oh, no, no, lad, you didn't hurt me. It was all in good fun," Aidan replied, for once praying Brendan didn't notice anything.

Brendan's face twisted in concern as he examined Aidan's posture. Something wasn't right. His master was acting very uncomfortable, though he wasn't sure what it could be. He was once again tempted to ask Aidan what the problem was, but decided that whatever it was, Aidan would tell him when he was ready to talk about it.

"Well alright. As long as you're fine."

A small smile took Brendan's face.

"Well, I still feel pretty hot. I might go swimming for a little while. Why don't you join me? You might feel better if you get out of those salty robes and cool off," The young monk offered. 

Of course Aidan wanted to join him. But given his current predicament, he just couldn't. Something about it now just suddenly felt so dirty. 

"Oh, thank you kindly for the offer, Brendan. But um... I'm afraid I'm a little worn out after our game of cat and mouse. I think I'll go and dry off on those rocks-- But you can still go swimming, lad. I don't want to spoil the fun for you because I got tired. So you go ahead and run along. I'll be fine..." Aidan said.

Brendan frowned in confusion. 

Brendan knew how uncomfortable Aidan got in humid weather like this. Heck, he'd been the one to suggest coming to the beach in the first place. And now he was just going to sit and cook on the sunbaked rocks? That wasn't even factoring in how painful it would be once the salt dried to his skin. Why would he act like this? It was enough to make the boy let out a tired sigh.

"Well...if you say so."

At that, the young boy turned and walked toward the shallows, unintentionally giving Aidan a clear view of his supple bottom, causing the old monk to blush even harder and avert his eyes.

Soon Brendan waded into the shallow water of the coastline. The water felt good on his skin draining the heat and sweat from his body, leaving him feeling cool and refreshed. However, the relief was only momentary, for though the heat had gone, Brendan felt that he couldn't quite relax. Whatever was bothering Aidan was getting to him too.

In an effort to take his mind off of it, the young monk began swimming and splashing in the water, trying his best to have fun, anything to distract himself from Aidan's discomfort. However, the more he tried to distract himself, the more bored he became. It just wasn't as fun swimming alone.

Back on the rocks, Aidan wasn't having it any easier. The combination of the itchy burning salt on his skin, his sweaty chafed robes, sun cooked rocks, and the scorching heat was becoming truly unbearable.  
However, this did make his first issue start to go away... 

He slowly tried convincing himself that it was punishment for his actions. 

So Aidan just sat there on the rock, gazing out into the seas horizon. He'd occasionally glance down at Brendan's general direction to check on him and make sure he was doing alright. Aidan could see Brendan swimming from a distance. Or at least wading if nothing at all... He was afraid this would happen. The lad looked so bored and lonely being all by himself like this. It made his heart cramp up inside just watching him swimming there all alone.

However, Aidan averted his eyes when he felt that same unwelcome presence growing again.

As Brendan felt his thoughts turn again to Aidan, his head soon followed, turning his gaze upon the old man. Aidan looked so uncomfortable sitting on those rocks, his face set in a grimace as sweat ran down his brow. Brendan couldn't understand why Aidan was doing this to himself. It was so unlike him.

The boy turned to once again swim in the tides. However, as he turned his head back to the sea, he saw movement at the periphery of his vision. 

Aidan's head had just moved. 

His master was just staring at him now. Brendan watched him like that for a moment, before turning his head to look at his master properly. The moment he did that, Aidan's head turned away from him.

That's when it hit the lad.  
He was the problem…

But what had he done wrong?  
Why was Aidan avoiding him now, when they were having such a good time this morning? He knew that he and Aidan couldn't be lovers anymore, but why did that affect their friendship too? Brendan couldn't find an answer. All he did was swim out a little further and avert his eyes as he felt something twist up inside him. 

However, after a few minutes of aimlessly drifting, sea had completely lost its appeal. So, with a blank expression on his face and a cold, empty, feeling in his chest, the boy walked ashore, pulling himself from the tide and walking up the sand.

Aidan then heard footsteps and dared to look again. By this time, Brendan had already pulled on his robe and was slowly coming his way. He caught a hint of sadness in the boy's body language, as he got closer.

Brenan approached his master, eyes staring at the ground. It was only when he was directly in front of the rock Aidan was perched on that the boy raised his head to look at him.

"I think I'm done swimming now, Brother Aidan. Can we go home and wash this salt out?"

Aidan slid off his perch. He felt guilty their day had taken a turn for the worse on his part, but he couldn't help but feel relieved that he didn't have to sit around burning on the rocks any longer.

"Aye lad, let's go home… Heh, or else we'll be turned to ruby red lobsters at this rate," Aidan cracked a smile, remarking on the noticeable shade of sunburnt pink on their skin. "But don't worry, we'll get this salt off once we get to the river back home... No sense in adding extra seasoning I suppose." 

The older monk found himself crossing his fingers, hoping the least he could do was make Brendan laugh after their lousy time at the beach.

Brendan on the other hand was so lost in thought that it took him a moment to register what Aidan had said. When the words came to him, Brendan gave a small, and a hollow chuckle. They both knew that it was humorless, simply a courtesy for his master’s attempt. 

With that Brendan turned and began making his way back to the tree line, his head still boiling in confusion. Truth be told, Aidan's attempt at humor, though commendable, had simply left the boy feeling more confused. One moment, they’re playing in the water, the next; Aidan tries to get as far away from him as possible. And then, when he comes back, Aidan is acting like his old self. It made the boy audibly sigh in frustration as he felt his master's gaze on his back.

Aidan's smile quickly diminished and he kept quiet to himself as he followed Brendan back into the woods. 

Pangur arose from her spot in the shade when she spotted her owners coming near, both were slow and withdrawn as they walked on by. Pangur’s ears sank with worry as she joined them.

The road through the woods back home was shrouded in silence. Neither of them could bring themselves to break it with their thoughts consuming their minds in endless struggles.

Pangur could sense something wasn't right between her owners. It was almost to a point where she could smell it off them. 

She let out a low yowl to her master. But much to her disbelief Aidan seemed to pay no mind to her meowing.  
The cat tried again, this time brushing into his legs. But Aidan only gave her a small brush from his hand to avoid stepping on her as he continued to walk down the path.

She knew she got his attention-- though briefly, she knew had had to get him to start talking somehow. Even if it meant using harsher methods. 

Without warning, Pangur Ban, lunged at Aidan's foot and bit into his ankle. 

"Aaaghhhhh!!" Aidan screamed, feeling her fangs sink into his skin.

Brendan turned when he heard his master's cry, his inner conflict momentarily replaced by worry as he whirled about to see what was the matter. 

There, he saw Aidan doubled over in pain, examining his ankle, which had four small red holes in it.

"Are you alright, Brother Aidan!? What happened?"

"Gah! Bloody hell! Pangur bit me!" Aidan winced, rubbing the angry bite mark on his leg. 

Pangur sat, swatting her tail back and forth.  
She didn't want resort to hurting her master, but she knew it would loosen his tongue a bit. 

Aidan then picked her up under her front legs and brought her to his face. 

"What was that for? Hm!?" Aidan frowned at the feline. 

Pangur Ban's ears sank low, but she was relieved he set her back down after that and nothing more. But she still felt very unnerved after being yelled at.

Brendan sighed as he looked at the small white cat as she crawled away from Aidan and slide against his leg.

What was going on today? First Aidan started acting strange, and now Pangur Ban. 

Turning his gaze from Pangur, Brendan knelt down to examine the wound on Aidan's foot. The indents her fangs left were starting to bleed down his heel. 

"Can you walk?" Brendan asked.

"Of course I can walk, boy. It's just a scratch," Aidan sighed.

The old monk stood up fine with only a minor limp in his stride.

Brendan closed his eyes as he stood up also. As horrible as it was, he'd been hoping that Aidan would have needed his help. It would have felt nice to be that close to him again, and helping him might have taken his mind off of...whatever happened at the beach. 

"Well, as long as you’re alright. I-I just don't want you to get hurt.” At that the boy resumed walking, only to be a few steps behind his master.

Aidan couldn't help but smile a little.

But as soon as he heard the melancholic tone in Brendan's voice he slowed his stride down so Brendan could walk beside him. There he caught the same sad longing expression on Brendan's face.  
Aidan knew he couldn't keep this hidden from him any longer.

He swallowed and finally spoke.

"Oh lad... You're still thinking about what happened down at the beach, aren't you?"

Brendan nodded.

"W-what happened, Aidan? We were having so much fun, and then.... and then it was like you were afraid of me."

As Brendan said this, he tried to look up into Aidan's eyes. But no matter how hard he tried he couldn't seem to lock gazes. It was like he was afraid to see that same look of discomfort and shame he had seen at the beach.

Aidan felt a lump grow inside his chest. 

“I’m sorry, my boy. I didn’t mean to make you feel this way… I…. I’m afraid I had sinned back there…” He confessed.

Brendan blinked in utter confusion.

“Sinned? What do you mean?”

“You know perfectly well what I mean… I--- I got aroused by you, lad!” 

Brendan’s face looked up sympathetically at his master, begging for more answers.

“B-but you didn’t do anything wrong. How was playing in the water with me a sin?” Brendan asked again.

“I was tempted, lad! Don’t you see?” Aidan replied, turning his gaze back at him.

“But, Aidan… You’d never hurt me.”

Aidan sighed.  
“I know that; you know that… But somebody else won’t. Brendan, if someone caught me in that state around you… Just think of the consequences.” 

Brendan sighed in response.  
He knew his master had a point. However, that didn’t change how he felt about their situation. 

“So what must we do now?” 

“For our safety, Brendan, I think it’s best we don’t swim or bathe together in the future.”

“But Brother Aidan!” Brendan cried out.

“I’m sorry, lad, but it’s too risky! I don’t want something like this to happen again. We need to have more self-control. These rules are meant to keep me in place, to protect you.” Aidan affirmed. 

Brendan frowned. 

“Protect me from what!? From you!?” He replied in frustration. 

Aidan froze.

“…Yes... Now come on, let’s go home,” He replied, feeling a lump get caught in his throat. 

“But Brother Aidan!?” 

“Brendan! I… I don’t want to talk about this right now. Now keep up,” The old monk responded sharply to his apprentice before walking ahead. 

Brendan was stunned once again by his master’s actions. This didn’t feel like the Aidan he knew. But at this point Brendan was too beat down to proceed with anymore questions. He merely hung his head low and tried to catch up to Aidan and Pangur.  
\--------  
After they had a chance to take turns bathing and washing their robes in the river, Aidan insisted they’d get back to working on the book. 

Once Brendan was all cleaned up he managed to put most of the events of the beach and woods out of his mind. By the time he and Aidan got back to illustrating the book, things felt normal. He almost felt like nothing was wrong. But he knew at the back of his mind things were not perfect.

Behind the smiles and insightful critiques, Aidan could sense the apprehension coming from his apprentice. He honestly had no plan behind his set of rules, but he knew in due time the rules would become clearer to Brendan and continued with his tasks. 

Despite their inner conflicts between one another, Brendan and Aidan poured what little inspiration they had left in the boarder page. The two monks tried their hardest to make things worthwhile as they worked to avoid further issues with their new lifestyle. 

Before long the page was inked with an array of colors and interact knots. All this hard work had rendered both master and apprentice exhausted for the night. Without even giving a second thought, Brendan crawled into Aidan’s bed and curled under the covers. 

Aidan took notice and walked over to his side.

“I’m sorry lad, but you can’t sleep in my bed anymore,” He sighed.

The young apprentice sat up abruptly.

“Please Brother Aidan, just one last time. I slept outside last night. I promise I wouldn’t do anything! I won’t even touch you! … Just let me stay with you for one last time,” Brendan pleaded with his master.

Aidan’s heart ached just listening to his apprentice beg. He hated having to deny Brendan so much today, but he knew this is how it had to be.

“I’m sorry, lad… The answer is still no.” 

The last shred of hope in Brendan’s eyes diminished as he got out of his master’s bed and walked across to his own vacant cot on the other side.

Aidan couldn’t stand seeing Brendan look so sad. He knew how much Brendan loved sharing a bed with him. Even he had to admit, it was one of his favorite parts of the evening and he was going to miss it dreadfully too. 

Aidan then strolled over and patted Brendan’s shoulder.

“Here, the least I can do is help tuck you in.”

Brendan gave him a small smile and nodded.

“Alright... I’d like that.” He mumbled. 

Aidan smiled back.

There he lifted up the covers for Brendan to slip right in and tucked the fur blanket over his shoulders. But as Aidan helped Brendan settle in, he still noticed a hint of melancholy in his apprentice’s expression. 

“There’s no need to look so miserable, lad. It’s not like I’m leaving you for good. Beside I’ll only be across from you,” Aidan said, trying his best to sound reassuring. “And look on the bright side, there are plenty perks to having your own bed again. Like um-- well you’ll more room for one thing, some form of privacy, and you won’t have to put up my snoring quite as much.”

“It’s warmer with you…”

Aidan’s smile began to falter. 

“Yes… But lad, you--“

“We keep each other company, tell stories to help us fall asleep, and cuddle whenever we have nightmares… It’s not so cold and lonely when we’re together,” Brendan stated.

Aidan sighed in defeat. 

“Well, I’m afraid you have me there, lad…”

“It’s just not the same this way…”

“No… It’s not the same.”

Aidan then caught a glimpse of tears glistening in Brendan’s eyes. He knew there was no point in trying to fool him any longer. This was painful enough for him already. 

With that, Aidan then knelt down and kissed Brendan’s brow.

The young monk’s glazed eyes widened.

“I know this is hard for you… It’s hard for me too. And I know it’ll take some time before we can fully adjust. It may not be the same as before, but… We’ll be alright, you and I. You’ve been very good today, lad. Very patient and strong, I couldn’t ask for more,” Aidan said, caressing Brendan’s cheek, knowing full well this was breaking a few rules. 

Brendan put his hand against Aidan’s, unable to stop a few tears from falling. Against his better judgment he even dared to sit up and kiss Aidan on the cheek.

“I’ll keep trying to be patient and strong for you… Master,” Brendan whispered. 

Aidan was slightly stunned at first, but soon gave a bittersweet smile and nuzzled him in return before standing up.

“I know you will… Goodnight, Brendan.”

The young apprentice brushed his tears with his sleeve.

“Goodnight, Brother Aidan…”

The older monk nodded and soon blew out the last candle in the cell before retiring to his own bed as well.

Once settled down under the covers, Aidan did admit it did feel strange not having someone sleeping by his side. He tried to ignore the feeling and curled up under the fur blanket, yet he couldn’t bring himself to relax. The old monk found himself tossing and turning from side to side, trying to find a good position.  
He glanced across the hut to find Brendan doing the same thing. Only this time he could make out him shivering and rubbing his arms to get warm. 

Just then Pangur hoped from her perch on the desk and curled up with him. Brendan gave her a thankful smile and petted her in return. He paused when he caught Aidan looking at them.  
The older monk gave an inquisitive look, wordlessly asking if he was going to be warm enough?

Brendan nodded, trying to put a positive front for his master.

Aidan gave a small smile and nodded back, feeling a little more at ease and began staring up at the stone ceiling.

But as time went on, he could see Brendan staring up at the ceiling too. It became very clear to Aidan at this rate neither of them would sleep very well tonight.  
_____

As time dragged on through the week, things felt rather stilted between the two monks. Both Aidan and Brendan couldn’t feel like they could act like themselves around one another without breaking a rule. On occasions Brendan would slip up, and Aidan would try to remind him with a lecture and brush it off. The only ounce of enjoyment they were getting was whenever they’d work on the book together. As long as they distracted themselves with their work, their problem at times would almost feel nonexistent… Or so they liked to believe.  
For by the time nightfall would come, their energy was well spent. Brendan and Aidan grew tired and irritable towards each other, and as a result they’d go to bed and lie in their cots for hours, too restless to sleep or even mediate. During this time, they’d usually act more intimate with each other to relax and bond. But without it, they both felt bored and discontent. It didn’t help the fact they still had problems sleeping. Whenever one of them had nightmares or grew cold, they just had to just lay there in their beds and tough it out, leaving the other to lay and watch in anguish on the other side of the hut. All Aidan and Brendan could do was reflect on old memories and pray this problem would pass over them, like a bad dream.  
\--------  
Moonlight cast its ghostly light upon the valley one evening, while deep dark clouds swirled in the stormy night sky.  
A streak of quicksilver lightning cut through and struck the top of the mountain side, sending cracks of rumbling thunder in its wake.  
Yet the rain never came and remained imprisoned in the night clouds, like restrained tears. 

Aidan jolted awake and bolted upright in his bed. Sweat dripped from his brow, as he took heavy breathes and surveyed the hut.  
All remained in order, Brendan was still in his bed, and Pangur was nestled deep into his pillow. 

“…Just a dream… They’re safe…… They’re alright…” Aidan exhaled and turned onto his side, keeping his gaze fixed on the boy and his cat.

However, as Aidan adjusted himself in his bed, he then noticed something warm and sticky suddenly become glued to his thighs. 

His violet eyes widened in horror. 

“Oh dear God… Please no!” Aidan shuddered, praying it was sweat and nothing more as he cautiously felt around underneath his robe. 

Hesitantly, he brought the substance on his fingers to the moonlight to look. 

Ghostly pale as the moon itself… 

Aidan felt his heart sink as shivers ran up his spine.  
Without giving a second thought, he darted out of his bed and sprinted for the river. The older monk feverishly tore off his robes and leapt into the stream, scrubbing his body franticly with his hands. Trying his hardest to get clean at all costs, all the while ignoring the freezing cold temperatures of the water itself. 

But no matter how hard Aidan washed; he knew deep down he never would be fully cleansed.  
A part of him felt so tainted, it disgusted him. 

“Oh why did this have to happen? If I had never left finger on Brendan this would have never happened! If I never saw him that way!!-- Oh lord, WHY?!” He began ranting to himself. “It’s been getting worse every day… I can feel it… I’m probably no better than those men after all! OH GOD!!”

It had gotten to a point to where he scrubbed himself raw with his nails. One sharp cut to his inner thigh was enough to finally bring Aidan to a stop. It all felt so hopeless. All Aidan could do was hold his head in his hands in shame. 

“We would have been so much better off if we hadn’t made love… It wouldn’t have had to turn out like this…”

Why…?

He loved Brendan, that’s why he did it. Because he loved him back… Was that so wrong?

But he knew perfectly well about the rules as he did back then. Being a man of the cloth, those precious thoughts, pleasures, and feelings were not meant to be for him. He had known that for years. He was Brendan’s master and guardian; he should have known better! Not fall into temptation so easily like some lovesick fool! And to lie with another man-- nonetheless a boy-- was not only a grave sin but also an action punishable by death!  
Aidan removed his hands from his face and stared down at his reflection in the water. 

Yet he had to ask himself… Even after all this.  
Did he regret loving Brendan?

“…No.”

Deep down he still loved him, even now.

Slowly, he returned to cleaning himself, only more gently this time as he let his hands wander. 

Aidan could remember the events in his dream very clearly like a drawing. How Brendan’s smooth hands touched and caressed him, how the lad planted kisses on every scar he found on his body, and how tranquil he felt having Brendan lying inside his warm embrace.  
What he would give to feel that with him again. 

“However…” Aidan thought to himself. “…Because I don’t regret loving him, shouldn’t I feel worse for doing so?”

He paused from his cleansing, as he recalled what happened next. 

Men and women came. They tore him and Brendan from their bed, exposing their shame to the world. Aidan shuddered as he remembered the mob beating them with clubs and lashing them with whips until their skin bled. How they tied ropes around their necks and hanged them in an oak tree. He remembered how scared Brendan looked, and how the crowd drowned out his cries.  
But the worst was yet to come. As they both struggled with their legs kicking franticly in the air, gasping for desperately for breath, an old woman appeared from the crowd. The very same one Aidan saw on his way back home all those days ago. She carried a torch and a bucket of oil. The old hag splashed their naked bodies with the coppery fluid and yelled proudly to them.

“It’s men like you who deserve to burn!” 

There she struck their legs with the torch and set them ablaze. The pain was indescribable as the flames consumed them. Their screams fell upon deaf ears as the crowd cheered at their death.

Just remembering that alone brought tears to Aidan’s eyes. 

He pulled himself from the river and got dressed. The older monk returned to his hut and glanced down at his sleeping apprentice. 

For once he looked peaceful tonight.

Quietly Aidan approached him and ran his hand through Brendan’s red hair.

“I’m never going to let that happen to you, Brendan… Not now… Not ever…… Even if it means giving up my love for you.” Aidan whispered longingly. 

Brendan stirred in his sleep, smiling to Aidan’s gentle touch, but didn’t awake. 

Aidan couldn’t help but smile too.  
Silently he leaned in and kissed Brendan’s brow, fearing it would be his last.  
The older monk then parted and climbed back into his bed to nestle in for the night.

“Whatever happens, Brendan… I swear I will always keep you safe… I promise.”


	3. Chapter 3

Brendan stared out into the salmon red sunset light spill across the grass outside the cell. Another week was dawning; the days had grown too quiet for comfort. Aidan hardly ever spoke to him unless it was absolutely necessary. It drove Brendan mad that Aidan was distancing himself like this. Even while under the same roof together, Brendan felt incredibly lonely.   
He found it upsetting that he couldn’t talk to Aidan about his problems, like he used to. It only hurt more knowing Aidan was a part of the problem. The young apprentice wished he had someone he could share his thoughts with and possibly get some advice on the matter. But one word, one whisper even… And they were as good as dead. 

He just felt so trapped. 

Brendan's concentration broke as he heard Aidan tend to the dishes.  
He knew he had to talk to his master somehow. Certainly, breaking their silence would be more than enough to make him feel at ease more.

Brendan strengthened himself, before taking a deep breath of air to steady his nerves. He hadn't felt this uneasy about talking to Aidan since the first day they met at Kells.

"Master, can...can we talk? I need to ask you something.”

Aidan paused from his chore and slowly turned to face him with a sigh. 

"What is it, boy?"

Brendan winced at his tone. It made his gut twist up inside. 

"Can we talk about these rules? I-I think we need to change them."

Aidan blinked at his request.

"Brendan, you do understand why these rules were put in place, don't you? What exactly are you expecting to change?"

Brendan gulped and looked towards the floor. 

"Y-Yes, I know what they're for. They are supposed to keep me safe. Safe from others who might hurt us if they found out, but..."

Then Brendan looked up at his master. He had tears in the corners of his eyes as his voice quivered.

"...I don't feel any safer."

Aidan shivered at the sight is Brendan's tears. Guilt kept creeping its way through his heart as he tried to utter his words.

"Then what do you suppose we do...?"

Brendan tried his best to retain his failing composure. But he felt his words catch in his throat when he spoke, like he was choking on stale, dry bread.

"C-can I...can I sleep with you again?” 

“Brendan…”

“N-not every night-- Just when I have nightmares! I'll even sleep on top of the sheets! Please!!" he begged.

Aidan almost didn't know what to say at first. He felt so torn and helpless it hurt. But the older monk stood his ground regardless of his feelings for Brendan. He wasn’t going to let himself be tempted this time.

"I'm sorry, Brendan… but no. We've been over this. I'll just end up sinning again."

At those words, all of Brendan's composure collapsed like an old ship in a storm. All the pain that he'd been trying so hard to keep under control boiled up to the surface, making tears spill from his eyes as he sunk to the floor and curled up in a quivering ball.

In the midst of his quiet wails, Aidan could hear Brendan repeating one word.

"Please…"

Aidan was aghast at the sight before him. Clearly Brendan had been suffering without his love. It was almost enough to make him break down too, but he still attempted to hold it together and ignore the gnawing pain in his gut. 

He knelt down and clasped Brendan's face in his hands. 

"Brendan! Stop it! You're acting childish...”

Brendan looked up at his master. His sudden touch had come as a shock to the apprentice, pulling him from his despair.

“Now, look at me… We're not going to cry about this now, alright?" Aidan spoke to him, rubbing his thumbs over his cheeks to wipe away the tears.

At first, Brendan didn't even hear what the old monk was saying. He simply relished the feeling of his warm hands against his cheeks. That, more than anything else, reduced the flow of tears. 

After a moment, Brendan finally registered what Aidan had said, and looked up at him with red eyes, glistening with teardrops. 

Was he acting childish?   
Yes, only brats cried when they didn't get what they wanted, but this was different. Something had to change.

"Aidan, I need your help... I can't keep doing this on my own. I need to understand. Please help me understand!" Brendan cried. 

Aidan was a little taken aback by Brendan's reaction and grew very quiet. The older monk knew he had to tell him something he should have confessed a long time ago. 

Aidan had to brush away his own tears from his eyes with his sleeve before finally speaking up to his young apprentice.

"Lad... There's something I need to tell you. Something I should have told you long ago, before we ever made love…" Aidan confessed.

He stood up and helped Brendan to his feet.

"Come here," He said, offering him a seat at the table while he took the one across from it.

Brendan slowly got up and followed his master with a blank expression on his face and a hopeful feeling in his heart. 

This was the most Aidan had spoken to him about this subject all week. Usually, he was simply met with a stout "no" and was told to move on.  
However, while he was hopeful, he also felt a twinge of fear and confusion.   
What was Aidan going to tell him? 

Brendan sat across from his master, staring intently into his eyes, looking for an answer.

"What is it, Aidan?"

The old monk exhaled.

"Lad… I could have been your father..."

Brendan's already confused face twisted in yet even more bewilderment. His brow furrowed and his eyes tilted down.

"W-what? So, when you said you knew my mother, did you really.... know her?"

Aidan raised his hands in defense.

"Now let me explain! I knew your mother, we were close friends when I was young, and... I had grown to love her…… and to my surprise she loved me back. However, we never acted upon it due to my occupation. This was all before your real father, Bronach, came in.... But..." Aidan said, his voice trailing off as he went on.

Brendan almost couldn't believe what he was hearing. This was a lot to take in for the young monk.

"But what, Aidan? If you didn't sleep with her, what happened?" Brendan asked with baited breath; his voice had taken a turn, it still held the same confusion, but beneath it was an undercurrent of frustration.

"Years before you were born, I journeyed to Kells to continue my partnership with your uncle on our work for the book. While I was there Ceather came down to visit your uncle as well. It had been a while since I had seen her and she had grown into a gorgeous young woman. We started bringing ourselves up to speed on recent events in our lives and she would accompany me on a few tasks in the woods. Before long she'd tag along in helping me gather supplies for ink and quills, much like you, lad. On a couple of occasions, we'd have nightly outings to go out stargazing, we could see the northern lights during one of them.... But as time went on, people at Kells began to think it was rather suspicious that a monk and a young woman would make such frequent outings to the woods only to be back hours later at night…. Indeed, they thought we were sleeping with each other. Word had gotten to your uncle and he was furious. Even though the rumors were false he still didn't believe your mother and I for a long time. At that the time I wasn't concerned about my reputation in the brotherhood, I feared for your mother, Ceather…. How men avoided her wherever she went, how women jeered and gossiped about the Whore of Kells. I---I couldn't stand to watch her get torn apart like that… Because of me... Because of those wretched, filthy, lies.... If your father hadn't come, I... I don't know what could have happened." Aidan went on, clasping his hands together. 

Brendan looked down; this was a lot to process for him. He'd never heard this story before. He knew that Aidan had befriended his mother, but he had no idea that they were so close, nor that they had gotten into so much trouble because of it.

After a moment, Brendan turned his head up to his master.

"W-what happened after that? After my father came into your lives."

Aidan smirked.

"Cellach never told much about your father, did he?"

Brendan shook his head.

"He never talked about either of my parents much. He only mentioned my mother a little, but he never spoke of my father."

Aidan brought his hands up gently again. 

"This will be a lot to take in, Brendan, and this may come to you as a shock...... But your father was once a Viking."

Brendan's eyes shot open and bulged as his head snapped back to regard his teacher with a look of wild disbelief.   
The poor boy's jaw went slack.

"W-WHAT!!? I… but...That doesn't make any sense! That's impossible!!!" He shrieked. 

"Not so, Brendan, not so... Rest at ease now... He wasn't mixed up in Harold Red Tooth's clan. Aidan explained, hoping to calm Brendan a bit before continuing. 

Brendan swallowed hard and listened. 

“Bronach was more of an explorer than a murderer. He was just as much of an outsider as your mother… and they bonded. She had fallen in love with him when he saved her from a pack of wolves. When I had gotten word about him, I kept a vigilant watch over them for Ceather's safety. But before long, I had befriended Bronach too. He told me everything he knew about Viking kind. --How else would you suppose I had learned all about their folklore, weapons, and Chiefs?" 

It was still so much for the boy, especially with everything that had been happening over that last two weeks. It did explain how Aidan knew so much about them, and why Cellach never spoke of him. Still, it was hard to imagine the Vikings as anything other than brutes---- let alone his own father!

After a time, Brendan managed to somewhat reconstitute himself, and looked up at his master.

"I-I don't know what to say..."

Aidan gave a small smile.

"He was a kind and brave man, Brendan. You would have liked him.... Ceather certainly did. The two of you have more things in common than you know."

Brendan sighed.

"Well, now I know why uncle never spoke of him…"

Then it hit him.  
The boy looked up at Aidan.

"Cellach didn't approve of them, did he? Did anyone else reject them for it?"

"Yes, your uncle didn’t approve. As for the others, I do not know.... But what I do know is that your grandmother, Torra, helped me arrange a secret marriage for them. She was one of few people who could still listen to truth and reason. So, we arranged to have them married in secret…… It was the least I could do to help make Ceather truly happy again. I wasn't meant for that kind of love, so I put aside my feelings and let her go. By the time, I had married them off, a Brother of Kells had finally confessed to our innocence. Cellach forgave your mother, but he held a grudge towards me for years for causing so much disgrace to his family...." Aidan paused, bringing a hand to his brow. 

Brendan’s gaze intensified. 

"So here I am with you, falling in love in almost exact the same way as I did with your mother... I don't want to repeat the same mistakes I did back then... I never want you go through the same torment as she did.... Or worse, face death itself because of me! All because an old fool like me decided to bugger up a child because he fell in love!" Aidan ranted.

Brendan looked up at Aidan with a concerned look in his eye.

"You’re wrong, Aidan… You can have that kind of love, here in the valley with me. You don't need to suffer alone. Don't you see, Aidan? If mother truly loved you once, she would have wanted you to be happy! And I want you to be happy too!"

Brendan stood up and held his arms to the side, motioning at their environment. 

"This isn't the same. This isn't Kells, nor is it an abbey. We can be together and no one would know."

Once he was done with his speech, Brendan looked up to his master with a hopeful gleam in his eyes.

Aidan could only stare in awe at the boy. What he would give to hold onto him tight and never let go. But the bitter sadness still clung to his soul and kept him rooted in place.

"If only it was that easy, boy.... Indeed, she did wish that for me. But there was nothing she could have done. So, I devoted myself to my work on the book instead," Aidan sighed.

Brendan nodded, and looked at him with those sky blue eyes filled with that same glimmering hope.

"I know, and the book is beautiful, but the book is beautiful because of love, not because you let love go."

Brendan walked closer to Aidan.

"Please Aidan, give love a chance. If you won't do it for me, or for yourself, then do it for my mother. She would want us to be happy."

Aidan felt his heart tremble just by looking into Brendan's crystal blue eyes.  
He had her eyes…

He felt so heavily torn again, and he didn't know what to do. The older monk no longer knew what was the right or wrong thing to do anymore. On one end of fate was death, while the other felt like a living hell filled with sorrow and guilt if left ignored. 

"Brendan.... I can't."

Brendan moved even closer to him.

"You can Aidan. We're all we have left. I need you. And I know you need me. You're not my father… you’re not my uncle… and your more than a master to me…. You're my lover. Brother Aidan, I love you, and I will always love you."

By this point, Brendan had crossed the table and stood before Aidan, holding his hands. The young apprentice’s blue eyes were burning into his violet ones, glistening in the firelight.   
It moved him greatly. 

However, from this distance, Aidan could see something else in his eyes.   
Desperation.   
He could hear it in his words as well… And he was struggling to contain it.

"I… I…. Oh, Brendan.... But this cannot be... It's too dangerous. I won't lose you too! --I'm sorry, but I can't!! I just can’t!!!" Aidan cried, before getting up from his seat and pulling his hands free from Brendan’s grasp.

The old monk stiffened, before turning around to complete his task from earlier.

“Now… Go get some rest, lad… We’re finished.”

Brendan couldn't believe it. He had just poured out his heart and soul to Aidan, and his master just disregarded it. As if he didn't know what he was saying. Deep inside, the boy felt something snap.

“You’re avoiding me again! Why are you doing this? Now of all times-- WHY?!”

“Don’t tempt me, Brendan! ….I told you, boy. I was a fool back then!” Aidan snapped. 

“Then I wished you had stayed a fool, like me…” Brendan muttered.

“Those days are over, lad… Now go to sleep.”

“B-But Aidan!” 

“Brendan! I do not wish to talk about this anymore. Now if you could just--“ 

“JUST LOOK AT ME!” Brendan shouted at him.

Aidan froze. 

His eyes widened as he suddenly heard Brendan stripping behind him. He finally dared to turn around and face him. Aidan’s blood ran cold as he saw the boy standing there, naked and trembling, with his arms outstretched before him. 

“Do I disgust you…? When you look at me, do you only see her…? Are you afraid of me because of all this…? Tell me! ...What’s wrong with me?” Brendan sobbed, waiting to be judged.

Aidan stiffened as he stared at him, not in disgust, but in pain. His piercing glare had melted into a look of pure anguish just by listening to Brendan’s words alone. 

He felt he was being tested as he slowly approached his apprentice, who stood shattered and exposed.

Brendan flinched as he felt Aidan gently cup his face with his hands. His thumbs carefully rubbing the tears from his eyes and cheeks once more. Brendan’s eyes opened and finally met his.

“Nothing is wrong with you…” Aidan whispered, before softly pressing his forehead against his.

Brendan could hear the trembling in his master’s breath, which only made him want to cry even more. The young apprentice reached up and put his hands on Aidan’s face, feeling the warmth coming off his cheeks.   
Brendan was expecting his master to recoil at this point, but to his surprise he felt Aidan nuzzle him in return before slowly drawing back. Brendan watched as Aidan unfastened his white cloak and wrap it around him to cover his nudity. He gave Brendan’s shoulders a soft caress before silently retiring to his bed for the night.

Brendan was left utterly speechless. 

A part of him wasn’t satisfied and wanted to throw Aidan’s cloak back at him while he slept. But the young apprentice couldn’t bring himself to do it after feeling such a kind gesture from him. 

Instead, Brendan pulled the cloak tighter against his skin, savoring Aidan’s warmth that still clung to the fabric. He could still smell him too; the rich scent of oak trees and sea breezes. Brendan had missed it so much. 

The young apprentice scooped up his discarded robe and plopped it onto the foot of his bed. Brendan then blew out the last candle and curled up under the covers, not once letting go of Aidan’s cloak. 

He realized how lonely he had been feeling, these last couple of days. Even though his master was sleeping across from him on the other side of the cell, he knew perfectly well that he was not wanted there. 

This only made Brendan curl up inside the cloak even more. He tried to pretend his master was curled up with him in his bed. The warmth of Aidan’s cloak reminded him of the nights he’d let him sleep by his side, chasing away nightmares that lurked in the back of their minds, all the while keeping the cold night air away from them as they slept. Brendan found himself tearing up as he recalled Aidan’s embraces that kept him safe and warm, the kind caresses on his head and back to reassure him that he wasn’t alone, the times Aidan would let him hug his waist in return to show both affection and comfort… The nights Aidan would kiss him to show that he loved him. 

Brendan couldn’t take it anymore; he hugged the cloak close to his chest and cried. He just wanted things to be back to the way things were, to when they were both happy and free. 

Pangur heard his cries and snuggled up with him to console him. 

“T-Thanks, Pangur,” Brendan whimpered, and held her close.

The cat rubbed her soft head against his cheeks to wipe away his tears and began softly purring to his touch. Her silky white fur felt just as comforting as the cloak. 

As Brendan began to relax and let his wiriness overtake him, he could have sworn he heard something that sounded like a voice silently weeping. 

Had Brother Aidan been crying too? Brendan wondered.


	4. Chapter 4

A third week of separation had come at last. The scarlet sun had faded beyond the mountainside, but the two monks continued on in their work. The book felt like the one thing they could distract themselves with. The two of them would work all day until they grew tired and irritable towards each other and get into arguments before bed. The stress, tension, and frustration cast an overwhelming heat across the cell like a kiln. It was only a matter of time before something would give in. 

Brendan sat at the desk illuminating. But the shear loneness and distance between him and Aidan was starting to take its toll on him. He was beginning to lose hope of them ever reviving their relationship. The young monk felt like he had tried just about everything. Once talking had failed, he started acting depressed around Aidan to try and get his attention. But it still wasn’t enough to change his mind. 

This only made Brendan angrier and he tried his absolute hardest to make Aidan feel something--- anything! …Even if it meant doing some dirty things around him… But in the end, Aidan only grew bitter and took back his cloak he had given him. The young boy remembered how Aidan remarked on how maybe he should burn it after all the sinful things he caught him doing with it.  
Looking back at it now, Brendan couldn’t remember why he did such things and regretted doing them. It just made him feel empty as things only seemed to get worse.

The young apprentice’s concentration broke once he felt Aidan watching over his shoulder at his work. But he could only sense disappointment radiating off him.

“I’m sorry, lad… But please try again.” Aidan sighed in dissatisfaction.

“Why, what’s wrong with it?” Brendan replied, with his frustration showing through the cracks of his voice. 

This was the third time he had to redo this page; it was starting to get a little taxing on the poor young monk. 

“I know I’ve asked you to do this three times now… But come now, lad, I’ve seen you draw better than this. These don’t have the same flare as the others you’ve done in the past. They’re lacking that element of light that’s needed for the book,” Aidan explained. 

Brendan let out a halfhearted sigh.

“Fine! I’ll do the bloody page again…” He grumbled, bringing out a fresh piece of vellum. 

Aidan stiffened at Brendan’s sharp tone of voice, but said nothing in return. Instead he returned to his seat across from him and watched. 

“Things used to be different in the past…” He heard Brendan sadly whisper under his breath.

Aidan’s expression softened.  
It had been hurting too much to hear Brendan sound so miserable. 

“I know, Brendan… But we’ve talked about this before. We can’t go back to how things were back then… It’s not safe,” He said to him, his voice riddled with grief. 

Brendan visibly shook at his master’s words.  
He couldn’t tell if he was more enraged or saddened by him. Either way, the boy was suffering. 

Aidan could see it by the look in Brendan’s eyes; it was painful enough just to witness it alone. He rose from his seat intending to go and comfort his apprentice, but what the boy said next made him freeze on the spot. 

“You’re lying… You could stop this anytime you wanted, Aidan. But you’re too afraid to!” 

Aidan went rigid.  
A spike of anger was driven into his heart by Brendan’s words. He couldn’t believe this. How dare he accuse him of lying! Did Brendan really believe it was that easy for him to do that with so much at stake?  
The older monk stared him down in silence before slowly sitting heavily back into his seat. 

“…Just do the bloody page, boy…” Aidan hissed.

Brendan barely acknowledged what his master said. He couldn’t even bear to look at him, and continued to draw in the page. However, it was easier said than done, he was still shaking and his eyes were becoming glazed with tears, his lines were getting sloppy by the minute. He could barely make out what he was drawing, but at this point he didn’t care. The young monk pressed on, putting ink to the page and nothing else. 

Aidan didn’t need the crystal eye to see that Brendan was drawing poorly. He didn’t want to have to tell him a fourth time to redraw it, but it was beginning to make him frustrated. However, when he spotted the tears welling up in Brendan’s ice blue eyes, the older monk withdrew some of his anger with a deep sigh. 

“Brendan… You’ve just started. Take a deep breath with me, alright?” Aidan instructed, gesturing for him to pause from his work.

The young monk huffed and set his quill down, holding his head in his hands as he did what he was told. 

Aidan slumped in his seat.  
He didn’t want to be angry, and especially not at Brendan of all people. Seeing him hold himself in that state made Aidan want to go over and embrace him. But something inside kept him rooted in place. 

“Just take your time, lad. I know you’re not feeling well… Just… Try and think of things that inspire you. The woods, beasts, spirits—can’t any of those help you at least a little?” 

Brendan brushed the moisture out of his eyes and returned to his piece. 

“I’ll try, Master…”

Aidan found himself breathing a little easier; already Brendan’s work looked a lot better. He could still tell the boy was still shaking, but he seemed to be more in control. More inspired even, as if the wheels in his head were turning. He could catch Brendan occasionally stop and close his eyes in thought before resuming his work.  
For a moment, Aidan found himself giving a light smile. 

This was the Brendan he remembered. 

He glanced down at the page only to feel his stomach turn to stone in the blink of an eye.  
Aidan almost didn’t believe what he saw at first---He didn’t want to! But without warning, the older monk moved over and snatched up eye from his apprentice’s grasp to take a look through it. What he saw nearly made his jaw drop to the floor. 

The page was indeed improving and was looking beautiful, but letter at the beginning of the text took the shape of a man…  
…A man with a very erect penis. 

“Brendan!!!!” Aidan growled at his apprentice, feeling his face turn a shade of fiery red. 

Brendan could barely restrain his tears from bubbling just below the surface of his pale blue eyes as he gazed up at the furious look on Aidan’s face.  
But as sad as Brendan’s eyes looked, they were overshadowed by cold rage as he glared right back at him.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Master. I was only drawing what inspired me. Shall I redo this page as well? Perhaps you’d like it more if he had long silver hair and a bigger cock!”

Aidan had enough.  
He snatched Brendan up by his ear; ignoring the painful yelps Brendan made and dragged him from his desk. 

“Brendan...! Don’t you EVER taint my work like that again!! Do you hear me!!?” Aidan snarled, as his breath grew heavy with anger.

Brendan froze.  
The pain shooting through his head was nothing in comparison to the pain he felt in his heart after hearing those words. 

Taint…

The word echoed in his mind. Eroding every comforting thought and every loving memory he held dear. Killing the light that was once there.  
Was that how Aidan saw his work?  
Tainted?  
Was that how he saw their love??  
Tainted!!  
Was that how he saw him??!  
Tainted!!!?

Brendan felt something snap inside. 

The young apprentice shook himself from Aidan’s grasp and stared up at him. 

“Is that what I am to you!? Just some corrupted SINNER!!?” He shouted.

With that, Brendan raised his hand and struck Aidan across the face with a loud, hard slap. 

Pain shot across Aidan’s face like burning embers.  
He was stunned.  
Heartbroken…  
Never in a million years did he think Brendan would hurt him like this.  
The old monk stiffened with rage as he glared down at his apprentice with his violet eyes reddening with tears.

“FINE Brendan! Be that way…” Aidan hissed, before storming out of the hut. 

Brendan stood shaking, staring at his former lover as he disappeared beyond the door. Tears streamed down his face, but his expression was locked in a state of twisted pain and grief, each muscle refusing to move. 

At last, after a moment of staring vacantly at the threshold of their hut, Brendan collapsed and fell to his knees, curling up into a ball and holding himself tightly.  
There he lay on the ground, his body racked as he burst into violent sobs. 

“Oh God!!--- WHY!!!!!!!!?”

Outside, Aidan was no better than Brendan. He stormed off into the woods, feeling his heart thundering in his chest with anger pumping through his veins as he brushed past the trees.  
He couldn’t remember that last time he had been this angry and didn’t know what to do with all this rage. His thoughts were nearly caught off guard as he found himself tripping over a thick tree branch and slamming into the ground. To add insult to injury, the rush of pain up his body reminded him of the slap Brendan gave him. 

Burning with fury, Aidan arose mustering his all strength and snatched up the heavy branch, putting every last single ounce of pent up rage into it before hurling the branch at a large oak tree with all his might. 

“Aghhhhhhhh!!!!” 

With an earthshattering SMASH the tree branch was reduced to mere fragments of broken wood and pieces of bark splintering and scattering all around him.  
Aidan stood there shaking with tears spilling from his eyes. His heavy breathing faltered, his head was aching, and his knees grew weaker by the moment. The older monk soon found himself leaning against the tree for support, pressing his brow gently against its bark.

Aidan felt his mind clearing up after venting his anger out of his system, but everything hurt too much to think. All he could do was cry out into the night air. 

“Oh, B-Brendan…” He sobbed. “Why is there nothing I this life but mist…?” 

The old monk slumped at the base of the tree, cradled inside its large roots as he let his pent-up despair come out. 

After a while, Aidan found his eyes burning and bloodshot. He took this moment to rub away tears that still clung to his bearded face. As much as Aidan would have liked to spend the night under the oak tree, he knew he’d regret it in the morning. The old monk had more important things to tend to now than wallow in sadness.  
He gave himself a task to gather up the pieces of broken wood he had just made for firewood back at the hut. The least he could provide was warmth for the night. 

A brief smile crossed his lips reflecting on how such an outburst like that still proved to be a use to him.  
However, it was short lived. For his thoughts soon came back to Brendan. The old illuminator recalled the cold look in Brendan’s eyes; they held such pain and angry towards him it made his heart ache. He knew something had to be done, they couldn’t keep living like this. But Aidan was at a loss. He felt too frustrated and exhausted to come up with something. It didn’t help the fact that any new solution he came up with only seemed to make things worse between him and Brendan. But he knew he had to keep trying and think harder. 

Before he knew it, the old monk found himself standing at the front door of his hut. With a deep breath, he clutched his bundle of wood and walked inside. Already he felt the wave of bitter cold energy radiating from within. It almost made Aidan feel ill just walking in.  
At the corner of his eye he saw Brendan balled up in his bed and shift away from his general direction to face the wall. The lad couldn’t even bare to look at him after what happened; but to be fair, Aidan couldn’t look at Brendan either. 

Where did we go wrong?  
We were smiling and laughing together not too long ago, yet here we are… Distant as strangers could possibly be… Or worse!  
How did it all come to this?

Aidan tried his hardest to ignore the sting of Brendan’s anger and kept to his task, rekindling the flames at the fireplace.  
Already its warmth was easing the tension in the air. The old monk soon retired to his side of the hut and lay still in his bed, staring out of the small window at the full moon. All he could do was pray that somehow, he’d find a way to set things right.  
\---  
After what felt like an eternity, Aidan had finally found the urge to fall asleep. But almost in an instant, he found himself caught in a dream.  
Everything was shrouded in a thick misty darkness. Slowly he tried to navigate himself through the blackness, each step echoing as he went. Aidan could have sworn he kept hearing footsteps accompany his own, but every time he’d turn around to look the black mist would thicken.

“Who’s there?” 

No answer…

“Show yourself!” 

No answer…….

Aidan kept going, moving just a little faster, only to hear the footsteps grow louder behind him.

Aidan was about to break into a sprint when a patch of white light illuminated through the darkness. But as Aidan walked up to it he saw what appeared to be a memory of his. The patch showed him and Brendan in the scriptorium. His apprentice was slowly working on a page with two tangled angels, while he sat and watched. 

It suddenly occurred to Aidan it was the night he and Brendan made love for the first time. 

The older monk was beginning to notice how often his apprentice would pause from his work to stop and think. 

“Something on your mind, lad? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look this pensive before,” Aidan spoke.

Brendan broke his concentration.

“Huh?”

“You seem to be troubled by something. Now what is it?” Aidan chuckled. 

Brendan bit his lip as he felt his cheeks turn redden before hesitantly speaking up.

“Brother Aidan?... Have you ever been in love?” 

Aidan blinked at the question. 

“In love…? Yes… Many times.”

“You have?”

“--Although I never had anyone to call my own, lad, being a monk and all… Why do you ask?— Are you by chance having feelings for this Aisling of yours?” The older monk smirked.

“I-I am… But… Here’s the thing……” Brendan mumbled, before leaning in to whisper into Aidan’s ear. “…I think I’ve fallen in love with you too.”

Aidan’s eyes widened, he felt his cheeks turn red. The older monk couldn’t believe what he had just heard. His body trembled slightly as his heart skipped a beat.  
Surely the boy was joking…

“Me???” 

Brendan nodded.

He knew from the look in his eyes that this was definitely not a joke.

The Aidan felt so conflicted; he didn’t know what he was going to say next.  
The thought of a young boy falling in love with an old man like him was quite unheard of--- Not to mention dangerous considering the occupations they were in! He knew perfectly well what would happen if they were both caught like that. Abbot Cellach would sentence them to death for sure…… But Aidan knew deep down he’d be lying if he said he didn’t have any feeling towards Brendan too… 

He then noticed Brendan gulp as he waited for his response, fearing what he did was wrong. 

“Brendan… Just when did you start having feelings for me?” Aidan blushed.

“I don’t know… I always thought you were wonderful, you had shown me such beautiful things that I wouldn’t have dreamed of, had I not met you. You’ve changed my life… and… after hearing what you had gone through—and are still going through even now!... I… I want to be there for you… I know you’re in pain, Aidan, and I want to make you feel better… So… I’m offering myself to you.” Brendan confessed. 

Aidan felt his heart warm up; he once again was at a loss for words.

Over the course of them working together on the book, he too had grown very fond of him. Brendan had exceeded his expectations and was even showing signs of surpassing him as an illuminator. But he even took such great risks, facing dangers like wolves and even the Dark One himself… going out of his way breaking rules set down by his uncle and risking his life just to help him complete his task and make him feel happy again…  
Aidan couldn’t help but smile, feeling tears welling up in his eyes. Little did the boy realize how much he already had made him feel better.

The events played out just as Aidan remembered, witnessed himself and Brendan grow entangled in a deep and loving embrace--- one not too different from the one Brendan was drawing a few weeks back.  
There they shared their forbidden fruit. Both were naked, smiling, and laughing in the warm firelight. Focusing on nothing else but loving the other; putting aside any fears or worries like their discarded robes. Soon they were both basking in the afterglow of their partner, curled up under the fur blankets together. 

“…Brother Aidan?” 

“Hmm...?” Aidan responded, as he slowly opened his violet eyes.

“…… I… I love you,” Brendan whispered.  
Aidan smiled back.

He lifted Brendan’s chin kissed him softly in return. 

“I love you too, Brendan…”

A blissful smile grew on the apprentice’s face. Brendan held Aidan close as they both fell asleep with their cat, Pangur ban, curled up beside them.

Aidan wanted to stay in that moment, remembering how happy they were after sharing their love together. But the memory had faded into the growing light. It was so bright that Aidan had to shield his eyes. Once he adjusted his eyes, he saw a figure standing before him. 

It was none other than Brendan.

Aidan wanted to go up to him, but guilt kept him from taking a single step forward. His anguished gaze sank to the misty ground. 

“Oh, Brendan… How could I have been so blind? We… We truly did have something precious between us….. You’ve helped me so much with your love and yet all I did to repay you was by pushing you away… And…. For that I am deeply sorry… I never wanted things to turn out the way they did between us… Not after all we’ve been through together…… I’m such an old fool,” Aidan confessed, realizing the error of his ways.  
His eyes closed, bringing his head down low. Willing to accept any punishment his apprentice had to offer.

“Could you ever forgive me…?” 

Just then, he heard the boy’s footsteps and dared to look up. As Brendan drew closer, the mist seemed to make his robes vanish. To his surprise, it had the same effect on his own. 

For a moment, Aidan grew hesitant. His instincts were screaming at him to back off. But the wise monk stood his ground and waited for Brendan’s response. 

The young apprentice stood before him, both exposed and having nothing left to hide. They stared each other down. Brendan’s expression was sullen as their gazes finally met. Aidan waited with baited breath, expecting the boy to strike him like before. The old monk closed his eyes and accepted what was to come. 

But to Aidan’s surprise, he felt himself getting drawn into a warm and gentle embrace instead. He opened his eyes to find Brendan pressed into his chest, hugging him tightly. The boy’s expression had melted into a melancholic smile, as he kept nuzzling him tenderly.  
This was enough to make Aidan break down at last. He fell to his knees and hugged Brendan tighter. He wept upon feeling his apprentice’s warmth. Never once did he need Brendan’s touch so badly. It almost felt like all the pain he had been harvesting had gone away. 

He lifted Brendan’s chin to look at him. The lad had tears running down his face too. 

“… I love you, Brendan…” Aidan whispered. 

Slowly, he leaned in for a kiss.

But before Aidan could touch Brendan’s lips, the boy had become mist in his arms. Leaving Aidan alone in eternal darkness once more. 

“Brendan?--- Brendan! Please, don’t go, Brendan!! DON’T GO!!!” Aidan cried out, desperately reaching for the mist that was once his beloved apprentice. 

He scrambled onto his feet, charging it all directions to search for him in the cold darkness. Crying out his name.  
But nothing came… 

Aidan collapsed to his knees and held himself. He felt so cold and alone, all he could so was tremble bawl his eyes out in the dark mist.

“Please…. Don’t leave me… I have no one else… I-I don’t want to be alone…. Please…… Come back……. C-come back…” Aidan wept. 

Suddenly, he felt the ground give. With a loud crack the floor was ripped open. Aidan was swallowed up. 

“No! N-NO NO!--- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” He screamed, too late to run. 

He had fallen into shadow.  
\-- 

His violet eyes shot open. 

“Brendan!” Aidan gasped, breathing heavily as he sat bolt upright in his bed.

The old monk put a hand to his chest, feeling his heart pounding under his skin. It was still dark outside. His body was still aching and shaking from the feeling of falling in his nightmare.  
The old monk exhaled and plopped back on his pillow. Relieved it was only in his head. But be knew this was no ordinary dream. He knew he had to do something to set things right once and for all. But where was he to begin? 

Aidan turned to his side, still dwelling on what he witnessed in his dream in hopes of collecting his thoughts. When suddenly he froze, and felt all the color drain from his face as he stared across the room in utter dismay. 

Brendan was gone!

“N-No! No! No! No! Brendan, don’t you dare do this to me!!” Aidan cried out and scrambled out of bed, calling out his name as he desperately looked outside. 

“BRENDAN!!!!!!!!!”

His voice echoed across the dark mountain pass.

Nothing…

Brendan had vanished into the night. 

Aidan started to panic; he could feel his heart throbbing in his chest. Millions of questions began flooding his mind all at once as he began pacing franticly. 

Did Brendan truly run away from him?  
Where could he have gone this late at night??  
Was it something he said???  
Did something happen to him????  
Is he alright?????  
Where can he find him??????  
Where is he?!?!?!?!?!?!

He grasped roughly at his hair and tried to pull his thoughts together and think more rationally. Aidan stepped back inside and snatched up his cloak. He then noticed that his cat, Pangur Ban, was missing too.  
A thought then occurred to him.

“Brendan couldn’t have gone too far. Not with Pangur on his trail. If I can find her, I might find him… I only pray I’m not too late!” Aidan muttered to himself, before charging to the mountain pass.


	5. Chapter 5

Brendan realized he was ways away from the valley.  
But he didn’t care.  
He wanted to get out.  
The loneliness was killing him inside and he couldn’t bear to face Aidan again after what he did to him.  
He suddenly felt something yank on his cloak. The young apprentice turned to find Pangur Ban tugging him back furiously. Brendan then yanked himself free, only to have the cat give him a glare followed by a low growl. 

“I’m sorry, Pangur… But I can’t stay there right now…” Brendan said to the cat. 

Pangur’s ears sank out of frustration. All the while she kept glancing back, hoping her master would catch up soon.

A thought kept wandering through Brendan’s mind.  
Where was he to go? It was dangerous to be out at this time of night.  
But he didn’t care.  
Anywhere felt better than that lonely valley. 

The young monk kicked a stone out of frustration, sending it crashing against the stony walls of the mossy mountain slope. 

“Brendan? Is that you?” A voice spoke to him.

The apprentice flinched.  
He knew it wasn’t Aidan.

“Who-- who’s there?” 

“It is I, Ophelia…” The old seamstress replied. 

Brendan let out a sigh of relief. 

“Oh, Ophelia, thank goodness…”

The old woman approached him with her lantern in hand after dismounting her supply wagon. 

“Now what is a fine young boy like you doing out on a night like this?” She asked, bringing her lantern closer to look at him. “Where is Brother Aidan? Shouldn’t he be with you?” 

Brendan’s gaze guilty shot downward, he could feel a lump hurting in his chest.

“Hm? What’s wrong, my child? Did something happen between you two?” Ophelia asked again, stroking his shoulder out of concern.

Brendan bit his lip.  
He too was scared to utter a single word to her about his dilemma, yet he felt desperate to say something.  
The pressure was all too much; Brendan broke down sobbing.

Ophelia was shocked.

“Brendan! Shhhh… There, there, sweet boy… I’m here… I’m here…..” The old seamstress soothed, setting her lantern down and bringing him in close for a much needed hug. 

Brendan held onto her tightly, relishing her warmth and kindness as he cried onto her shoulder.

“I take it things haven’t been going very well between you and Aidan, has it?” 

Brendan shook his head. 

He stood there for a moment deep in thought.  
What would he say to her?  
One wrong world could spell disaster for both him and Aidan.  
However, before the boy could come up with an answer, nature stepped in. 

A cold wind blew through the trees, causing the young monk to shiver like an autumn leaf caught in a strong breeze. 

It was only then that Brendan realized how cold he was. Looking up at the old seamstress he said, “I… I’ve been outside from quite a while and I’m really tired. Do you mind if we talk about this somewhere warmer?” 

Ophelia smiled softly. 

“Aye… Of course you can, lad. Come, walk with me.” She said, cloaking Brendan as they walked back to the supply wagon, where two jet back stallions patiently waited for their mistress. 

Once they both settled down, the old seamstress dug out a warm quilt and wrapped it around the young monk. 

“Here, this may not be a roaring fire, but this should keep you nice and warm until we get back to my hut.” 

Pangur mewed in response under her arm. 

“Aye, isn’t that right, Pangur Ban?” giving her a pat on the head.

With a whistle and quick flick of the reins, the two great stallions continued up their slow journey up the narrow cliff side.

“Alright, Brendan… Will you care to tell me what happened between you and Aidan now?” Ophelia asked. 

Brendan sighed and pulled the quilt tighter around his body. Ostensibly, it was to keep warm, however in reality he was using it to hide himself. He felt almost too ashamed to speak, but he knew he couldn’t stay quiet forever; that would only make him seem more suspicious.  
Instead, he decided to tell the truth…  
…Or at least a version of it. 

“Ophelia, you know how close Aidan and I are, right? He took me in after my uncle died. He raised me as his own son. He’s… He’s like the father I never had…” 

As Brendan started his explanation, he felt a wave of warmth as Pangur crawled into his lap and begin nuzzling him, causing him to smile softly as he continued. 

“But lately he seems… Different. Like something’s changed.” 

Ophelia gave an inquisitive look and raised her eyebrow.

“Different…? In what way, boy?”

Brendan swallowed apprehensively before continuing. 

“I-I don’t really know how to describe it. One day, everything was normal. The next he just seemed… distant.” 

Brendan struggled to maintain his composure, burying his face deeper into the quilt before carrying on. 

“We used to laugh, play, and talk… We shared everything together. He was more than a master to me. He was my closest friend… But now he acts only like a master… He teaches me, but he lacks the passion and care that he used to. It’s like I went from being his son to just… just…”

Brendan swallowed again, this time in an effort to keep his tears back. 

“Another student…” 

Ophelia was saddened to hear the news. She knew they were both very close. Yet she couldn’t put her finger on what made Aidan change this way. It was very unlike him to suddenly distance himself from someone as special to him like Brendan.  
She could hear the young monk tear up next to her; it tore her heart up to see Brendan look so miserable like this. 

“Perhaps it was a misunderstanding or disagreement? There must have been a reason why Aidan has been acting this way. Just how long has this been going on?” She asked. 

Brendan turned his head to stare into the tree line, gazing into the empty space as the painful memories began to surface in his mind.

“It started about three weeks ago. Aidan went into town. When he came back, he began acting strange. He said that it was inappropriate for a master and apprentice to act the way we do… or the way we did…”

Brendan began to sniffle as he felt his composure starting to crumble. 

“I don’t understand Ophelia! What is it so wrong for us to be so close? He said it’s wrong, but I can’t see why?!” He sobbed.

Ophelia brought her arm around him and held him close to her side to comfort him. 

She recalled the day Aidan was looking for gold leaf powder about three weeks ago. But again she didn’t notice anything odd about him when he left her hut… Unless it was something he experienced after.  
After some thought, it occurred to her that a terrible thing happened at the local monastery that day. Word had spread about four boys being brutally raped by a priest for several days. People around the village were ranting about it for quite some time until the priest was finally put to death. Perhaps Aidan had gotten word of this and began worrying if folks would accuse them and distanced himself from acting affectionate around Brendan to keep them safe, regardless if it was true or false. 

Ophelia then drew her gentle gaze towards Brendan and rubbed his back. 

“Oh Brendan… I’m so sorry this has been happening to you both. You really love him, don’t you?” 

Brendan’s grip grew tighter around her waist. He was growing scared that she getting so close to finding out their secret.  
He dared not say more. 

But then he felt her stroke his head in return.

“Shhhh… It’s alright.”

“…He hates me… If I hadn’t grown so needy for his affection, maybe he would still be friends today,” Brendan sniffed. 

“Now Brendan… Don’t blame yourself! You and I both know that’s not true… Aye, it would be like Aidan to sacrifice something as precious as love in order to keep you safe. But he still loves you, in fact I think that’s one of the reasons why he did it to begin with. You’re one of few people he still has in his life, it would kill him if anything happened to you, and I can tell you’re far more than just a simple student to him…” Ophelia responded.

Brendan whipped his tears and listened. 

“Just think… Would Brother Aidan have come this far if you weren’t a part of his life? 

“…I suppose not…” Brendan mumbled, thinking back to all the dangers they had faced together in order to get to where they were now. “I just want him back… I don’t think I could stand being isolated like that again.”

“I know, Brendan. But don’t worry; everything is going to be alright. We’ll just have to think of something.” 

Suddenly a bloodcurdling scream echoed across the Cliffside. The stallions were startled and reared up neighing with fright. 

“Woah! Woah! Boys! Steady! ” The seamstress cried out, keeping a firm grip on the reigns as she pulled them to a halt. “Good heavens, what was that?” 

Brendan’s eyes widened, he knew exactly whose scream that was. 

“It’s Brother Aidan!” 

“Thought so! Turn around, boys! Make haste!” Ophelia called to her stallions, which followed her command and began charging down the path. 

Brendan kept his eyes pealed, his heart began racing as he franticly looked for his master in the dark. Praying that somehow, he was alright. 

Suddenly a voice hollered out from beyond the ledge.

“Don’t come any closer! The path is unstable!” 

With that, Ophelia grinded the horses to a stop and Brendan sprang from his seat, followed by Pangur Ban. 

“Brother Aidan!” He called.

“Brendan?” Aidan’s voice called back.

Ophelia joined Brendan and Pangur at the ledge with her lantern and shined it down below. 

There just several feet down was Aidan, desperately pressed up against the cliff’s jagged wall with only a few inches of cracked stone keeping him from falling down the rest of the 60-foot drop to the sea. 

“Brendan! Ophelia!” Aidan cried out to them, finally catching a glimpse of their faces with the candlelight. 

“Oh my heavens! Are you alright!?” Ophelia called out to him. 

“I’ve sprained my ankle pretty badly, but other than that I’m alright!” Aidan called out, cringing from the pain. 

Suddenly a few stones gave away from under his foot. 

Brendan and Ophelia gasped in horror.

But Aidan caught himself just in the nick of time and dug his fingers into the stone. 

“AGH! However, I won’t be unless we do something quick! Gahhh!” 

“Hang on, Aidan! We’ll get you out of there!” Brendan hollered to him, before he and Ophelia ran to the wagon to find something to help him.

The old seamstress pushed aside a few rolls of fabric and silks for Brendan to find some rope hidden underneath. 

“Do you think this will hold him?” Brendan asked handing her some.

Ophelia took it into her hands and tested its strength.

“For his sake, my child, it better!” The seamstress responded, and handed Brendan one end of the rope, while she tied the other to her wagon. 

Brendan returned to the edge.

“Brother Aidan! Catch this!” He called, before casting the rope down to him.

Once it was within reach, Aidan dared to free up one of his hands to quickly snatch up the rope. 

“Gah! I’ve got it, Brendan!” 

“See if you can tie it around your waist, we’ll pull you up with the horses!” 

With that, Aidan pushed himself as deep as he could against the rock wall and knotted the rope around his thin waist.

“Alright! It’s on!” He called up to his apprentice.

“Great! Ready, Ophelia?”

“Oh yes, boy!-- Now, my stallions! Pull!” She ordered.

On her mark, the two great black horses began pulling the wagon forward, while she and Brendan tugged on the rope. Aidan tired his best to climb up the cliff to help them, but his sprained ankle made it difficult to catch up. He could feel the rope painfully sink under his ribs as he rose higher above. 

“We’re almost there, Aidan! Just hang on!” He heard Brendan call out to him.

“I’m trying, Brendan! Gah!” Aidan winced; mustering what little strength he had left to pull himself to the next rock above him. 

They were so close now, just a few more stones and--

SNAP!

“NO! BRENDAAAAAN!!!” Aidan screamed, feeling the rope suddenly give away above him.

“AIDAN!!!” Brendan shrieked, as quickly he ran and pounced on the split rope before it could go any further off the edge.

Ophelia reached for the broken end and joined in on the tug of war. 

Aidan was left dangling for his life down below. 

The rope was burning Brendan’s hands and was slowly pulling him closer to the ledge. 

“Oh God! Brendan, the rope is slipping! There’s no way you can keep holding on like this! --You’ll fall too! Gah! ----You….. You have to let me go!!” Aidan cried out, feeling an indescribable pain in his chest as he uttered those words.

Brendan’s heart sank.

“NO! I’m never letting you go!!!” Brendan growled, feeling tears run down his face while the rope was slowly pulling from his tight grasp bit by bit. 

“Brendan, PLEASE! I won’t let you die because of me!” Aidan shrieked back.

“I said NO!!!... I’ve lost too many people I cared about… My parents, my brothers, my uncle! --I can’t lose you too!…… I’m not ready to be alone…” Brendan sobbed. 

“Oh, Lad…… I’m so sorry…” Aidan wept. 

Their thoughts began racing.  
Feelings of pain, regret, and despair flooded their emotions. 

This can’t be happening! I can’t lose him now!! Not like this!!!--- Oh God, why!!!?

Just then Brendan felt Ophelia grab onto him and the rope.  
He turned to find that she had double knotted the rope together!

“You won’t have to let him go, my child! ----PULL!!” She roared to her stallions. 

With that, the great steeds pulled even harder, hoisting Aidan up to the top.

“Brother Aidan! Take my hand!” Brendan called out, reaching over the edge for him.

Aidan could finally see him at last. 

“Brendan! Oh thank goodness!” He cried and grabbed his apprentice’s hand.

“Hah! We’ve got you now, love! ---And PULL!” Ophelia grinned, giving Brendan one last tug and finally pulling Aidan up to safely. 

Once firmly on the ground, Ophelia ordered her horses to stop. Aidan was gasping for breath as he released the tight rope from around his waist; it felt as if his life was almost squeezed out of him. 

Brendan was no different; he kept rubbing his sore hands and was shaking from his adrenaline rush. He turned to Aidan, who managed to prop himself up on his side. He couldn’t believe that they were fighting mere moments ago, and now he had almost lost him forever.

Brendan couldn’t hold back any longer, the young boy pounced on his master and hugged him tightly. 

“Oh, Brother Aidan!” Brendan sobbed, burrowing his face into the crook of his master’s neck.

Aidan was stunned; he almost didn’t know what to do or say. The boy had saved his life… It was enough to make him cry tears of joy. 

“Oh, Brendan! Thank the Lord, you’re alright!” Aidan cried, and hugged him tightly in return. 

“I’m so sorry f-for everything…” Brendan whispered through his sobs to him.

“Shhh… So am I, Brendan… So am I,” Aidan whispered back, stroking his red hair out of forgiveness. 

Ophelia and Pangur Ban watched them from the sidelines and exchanged smiles with one another.  
Everything was going to be alright now.

Once the master and apprentice released their embrace, the old seamstress stepped in.

“There now, love. Let’s get that ankle of yours tended to,” Ophelia said, helping Aidan back onto his feet and let him lean on her shoulder as they walked to the wagon.

“Thank you, Ophelia-- Agh!” Aidan replied, gridding his teeth as pain seared through his leg. 

“Is there anything that can help him?” Brendan asked worriedly, looking though the supplies again. 

“There should be some gauze with the silks there, my boy,” The seamstress answered, letting Aidan have a seat on the wagon while she examined his leg. 

“Right! I found them!” The young monk said, and hurried to their side with a roll of tan gauze in his hand.

Once he was there Brendan could finally get a good look at the damage. 

Aidan’s ankle was scraped up from the rocks and had gotten pretty swollen, but from what they could tell no bones were broken, much to their relief. 

“Gahh!” Aidan cringed, making the mistake of trying to move it on his own.

“Sorry. You must have taken quite the fall, my dear Aidan. But as remarkable as it is that you haven’t broken any bones, I’d suggest you try not to move it. Not until the swelling goes down.” Ophelia informed, while taking up the bandages Brendan had fetched her and slowly began wrapping them around Aidan’s sprained ankle. “Just rest, I’ll take care of the work.”

“Aye… Thank you, lass.” Aidan exhaled, swallowing his pain as best as he could manage, while she tended to him. 

Brendan began rubbing Aidan’s shoulder to comfort him.  
The older monk smiled, now forever grateful for the boy’s gentle touch. 

“But if I may ask, what happened? You could have gotten yourself killed,” She inquired. 

Aidan exchanged a few glances with Brendan, unsure of how much was shared with her. But he could tell by the calmness in Brendan’s eyes, he hadn’t shared anything he shouldn’t have.

The older monk sighed before finally speaking up.

“…I don’t know how much Brendan has told you already, but… We had gotten into a bit of a fight over work. Our exhaustion was driving us mad and… Well, we unfortunately took it out on one another.”

Brendan’s gaze drifted guiltily to the ground.  
Ophelia saw this, but continued to listen to Aidan’s side of the story. 

“Go on.”

“Next thing I know, I wake up to find Brendan gone. I was scared he had run away,” Aidan explained. “…So I went looking for him.”

Brendan returned his gaze to his master. 

“It had gotten so dark I didn’t see that the side of the road had been crumbling away and I fell right through. If it hadn’t been for you and Brendan, I don’t know if I would have lived to tell the tale…” Aidan finished, giving them a grateful smile. 

Ophelia nodded.

“Aye. I may not know the full extent of your problem, but this almost drove you and Brendan apart forever… By the time I get you both back home, I think it’s time that you and Brendan have a long heart to heart talk. There are plenty of things to be set right if you too still want to stay under the same roof,” She advised.

Aidan knew she was right and felt Brendan’s grip gently tighten on his shoulder. 

“Brendan loves you, Aidan. And after what I’ve seen tonight, you love him too. I know you’ve been trying to protect him and keep him safe… But you’re not Brendan’s uncle, Cellach, and you’ll never be him. You cannot go sacrificing your love for him when he needs it the most, I thought you of all people would have known that by now,” Ophelia said.

Aidan’s heart grew heavy with guilt. 

“I’m sorry…” He found himself whispering, while cupping Brendan’s hand on his shoulder.

Brendan gave a small smile in return. 

Ophelia nodded, and had them settle down in her wagon while she called her stallions to take them back to the valley.

The road back was quiet and peaceful, but Brendan still found himself gripping his knees, wondering about what was going to happen next when they got back home.  
His train of thought was broken when he then felt Aidan gently take up his hand and hold it, letting him know that everything was going to be alright. Though deep down Aidan knew he had his own fair share of things to finally set right.  
\---  
Before they knew it, the two monks found themselves just outside their hut. They dismounted the wagon, before Ophelia shared her last words of wisdom for the night. 

“Look after him, Brendan. The two of you need each other more than ever now. That goes for you too, my dear Aidan. I have faith you’ll know how to heal your bond with your apprentice. Now goodnight, and good luck.”

Aidan smiled and bowed his head to her. 

“Thank you. Farewell, my lady,” He replied. 

With a flick of her reins, her black stallions trotted back up the slope to the mountain side. 

As Brendan watched Ophelia’s wagon disappear into the night, he felt Aidan wrap an arm around his shoulder.

“Come, lad… Let’s go home.” 

The young apprentice nodded, and helped support Aidan as they returned to their hut.

“Hmp, you tired yet, boy?” 

“Uh-um…” 

“Heh, me neither… Here, I’ll make us something… By god, we need it after all that’s happened tonight,” Aidan said, before pouring a gourd of cider into the cauldron to be heated. 

Brendan nodded and sat at the table quietly petting Pangur. 

The older monk knelt down, avoiding putting weight on his sprained ankle, and struck up a few flames to the kindling with the flint in his hands.

After a moment, he poured the warm cider into their cups and limped back to the table with them.  
Brendan politely took his cup and began meagerly sipping his cider, while Aidan sat across from him with his own goblet.

Both were still taking in the events that occurred over the last three weeks-- including all that went on tonight. They both didn’t quite know where to begin. 

After taking a good swig of warm cider, Aidan clasped his hands together as he finally spoke.

“Lad… I’d like to apologize for everything that’s happened over the last three weeks. I thought I could protect you if I distanced myself from you, but now I see how wrong I was… It was very selfish and naïve of me to believe that we could simply go back to being friends after all that we had done together… I suppose I had forgotten why we loved each other so much to begin with… I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I truly am about that… I had been such a fool… All you’ve ever done was love me and yet I had smothered it before it could grow into something more… I’ve hurt you, Brendan, and for that I am deeply sorry,” Aidan confessed.

Brendan brought his gaze to him. 

“I… I’m sorry too, Aidan. I knew you were trying to keep me safe all this time… and I’m sorry for how blind I was for not seeing how afraid you actually were about all this. But I didn’t want you to suffer… You’re not a coward, Aidan… Not after what you said back at the cliff. I think that was very brave of you.” 

Aidan smiled.

“Thank you, lad… I suppose we’ve both hurt each other over the course of these last few weeks. I guess that makes us even now, doesn’t it…?”

Brendan nodded.

“Will you ever forgive me?” Aidan asked.

“…I already have,” Brendan smiled.

“Come here…” Aidan smiled back, welcoming his apprentice with open arms. 

Brendan got up and pressed himself into Aidan’s embrace and wrapped his arms tightly around him. 

“Oh lord, how I’ve missed this…” Aidan smiled, stroking Brendan’s head.

“Aye… It’s good to have you back,” Brendan nodded, before leaning in and kissing him on the cheek he had struck earlier. 

Aidan smile grew wider as he continued to nuzzle him in return. 

They held each other a while longer. Taking in their loving warmth and feeling weights of pent up guilt being lifted off their chests.  
After a while of basking in the lad’s embrace, Aidan’s eyes began to wander onto their desk and landed on a quill.

An idea came into his mind.

“Brendan?”

“Hm?”

“…Would you like to draw with me? It doesn’t need to be for the book… It can be just for you and me,” Aidan asked, grazing down at his apprentice with a certain gleam in his eye.

Brendan’s eyes widened with excitement.

“You-- You really mean it?” He asked.

Aidan nodded.

“Yes! Oh, yes please!” Brendan beamed. 

Aidan grinned.  
Now this was the Brendan he knew and loved. 

“Well come along, lad! Help me clear off the table and we can start off from scratch.”

Brendan nodded and helped gather up the loose pages of vellum. Aidan prepared a fresh batch of ink and paused to poke at the fire to keep it alight. 

“Here… These can help the fire burn.” Brendan mumbled. 

It took a moment for Aidan to realize the sheets were Brendan’s discarded drawings. 

“Wha-- No wait! Don’t do that, lad!” he responded, taking the pages up before could Brendan to add them to the fire. 

The young apprentice looked confused.

“But they’re mistakes, ones you didn’t like. Why bother to keep them?” Brendan asked. 

Aidan sighed.

“Oh lad… I was being too harsh with you… I wasn’t acting like myself. These pages will be fine; they’ve got room for improvement and will regain that spark of light they need for the book.” He explained, taking the time to look through them again. 

“Even this one…?” Brendan asked, pointing out the infamous drawing.

Aidan picked it up from the stack and drew it in for a closer look.

“…Yes… Even this one,” Aidan smiled.

“But you do know it’s a--“

“Yeeessss, I know exactly what it is, lad. But just like the others, it shall stay. It’s so small, Brendan, only you and I would know… Besides… Looking at it now, it kind of makes me laugh,” Aidan added, letting his laughter seep through his sentence. 

Brendan smiled in return. 

“However, for our sake, lad, we’d better not give him long silver hair and a bigger cock” Aidan snickered, giving Brendan a nudge at his shoulder. 

This caused Brendan to cover his mouth and laugh with him too. 

“I promise I won’t!” 

“Aye, I know you won’t, lad… Um! That reminds me. I’ve had been meaning to give this back to you,” Aidan added, before getting up and putting the pages by the book. 

Brendan noticed him go to the shelves and pull out a sheet of velum from the top. His heart nearly skipped a beat when he saw the drawing on it.

“Here, lad. It was about time I returned this to you and the book,” Aidan smiled, gently handing back the page with the intertwined men back to him. 

“The-- The bond page! Brother Aidan! I-I thought you destroyed it,” Brendan fumbled on his words in awe. 

Aidan’s eyes widened with disbelief.

“Lad? You thought I’d--- Oh no! I had done no such thing. I’ve kept my word about it. So sorry I didn’t give it back to you sooner, I… well… You know why.”

Brendan was then taken aback by the drawing itself.  
Not only was it untarnished.  
But it had been completed too! 

“Brother Aidan… Did you do this?” He asked.

The older monk nodded.

“Aye, lad. I did… As distraught as I was that night, I couldn’t bring myself to ruin it. Not after all the gorgeous work you had done to encompass our bond into the book. So instead I completed it… It’s our bond after all; I suppose I incorporated my side of the design too,” Aidan replied. 

Brendan smiled, admiring the radiant sapphire colors to go with his shimmering gold ink.

“It’s beautiful.”

Aidan couldn’t help but smile in return.  
Hearing that come from Brendan made his heart flutter. 

“Thank you, lad… Shall we begin?”

“Oh yes, let’s!” 

The two settled down with a fresh page of vellum and ink. They took up their quills and were eager to dive right in. However Aidan noticed a hint of hesitation coming from Brendan.

“Something the matter, lad?” 

“You may find this odd coming from me, but… I don’t know where to begin for once,” Brendan replied. 

“It’s alright, Brendan. I’ll start us off, you can follow my lead when you’re ready,” Aidan reassured, before he took up the crystal and started to draw. 

Brendan watched attentively.

It was fascinating to watch Aidan draw. With only a few flicks of his wrist, the apprentice witnessed him put down the outlines of a body with his quill. The old master then brought the crystal to his eye and began making delicate indents to add features to the figure’s face. The more he watched the more Brendan began to recognize who Aidan was drawing. 

It was him!  
He was drawn seated and reaching out to someone.  
And Brendan had a feeling he knew who that person was.

This got wheels turning in Brendan’s head and he stepped in to add the figure sitting in front of him on the page. The figures limbs were growing entangled and intertwined in a Celtic knot pattern, similar to the one in their bond page. 

Aidan paused to catch a glimpse at the scene and smiled to see Brendan drawing him too. He then returned the crystal back to his apprentice, knowing he’d be running into some major detail soon. The master illuminator sat back for a moment to watch his pupil hard at work. Brendan was truly gifted with the crystal eye, not so different in skill from himself when he was around the lad’s age. 

However as the more intense detail grew with Brendan’s side, the more Aidan realized how basic his side started to look and it put his level of drawing to shame. With that, Aidan leapt back in and began adding in more details and patterns of his own. For once he felt compelled to challenge himself, not only to better his drawing, but to also better himself. Aidan knew he had caused a lot of trouble and he was determined to make it up to Brendan one way or the other… even if it all started through drawing. 

Before long, the two of them had filled the page with gusto. Intricate knots and spirals covered the two figures from all sides with vivid colors. They kept trading the crystal eye back and forth, creating extraordinary amounts of detail in every corner. At times Aidan would find his and Brendan’s quills meeting in the center of the page and would connect their patterns and designs together. 

They both finally paused and took and step back from their finished work and could only stare back in wonder at what they had just created together. 

“Well, lad. I think this is some of your finest work yet,” Aidan complimented, flinging an arm around the apprentice’s shoulders. 

“Yes. But look at yours! I don’t think I’ve seen you draw something this gorgeous in quite sometime! You underestimate yourself, Master,” Brendan beamed, marveling at the work they had just created. 

“Heheheh, you are much too kind, Brendan,” Aidan grinned, ruffling his apprentices hair.

The young monk found himself giggling and slipping his arms around Aidan’s waist to hold him close. 

Though it had only been three weeks, it felt like an eternity. Brendan found so hard to believe that a while back he thought something like this would never happen again, and he couldn’t have been more relieved to discover he was wrong.

Aidan gazed down at his apprentice and saw the weariness in his eyes as his eyelids began to slowly droop. 

“Heh, you’re exhausted. Come, let’s get some rest,” He said.

Brendan nodded and helped support Aidan as they walked over to his bed.

There he tucked his master in and was about to go and retire in his own cot, when suddenly he felt Aidan take his hand.

“Lad…? Would you like to spend the night with me?” Aidan asked.

Brendan’s smile grew wider.

“YES!” He cried with joy, and pounced on his master.

“Oof! Hahaha! Alright, lad, alright!” Aidan laughed, feeling Brendan crawl over him as he lifted up the covers for the boy to slip inside. 

Pangur Ban then hopped from her perch by the fireplace to nestle in with her owners. 

“Ah, here we are. Snuggle up you two, I sense it will get colder tonight,” Aidan advised, before blowing out the last candle by their bedside. 

Just as he was settling down, the older monk found Brendan curl up on his chest.

“Not unless we’re close like this…” The young monk whispered with a wink.

“Yes, one certainly can’t deny that…” Aidan chuckled, wrapping his arms around him in return.

Though both monks were tired, they couldn’t find it in themselves to close their eyes just yet. Instead, Brendan and Aidan held each other, listening to the dying fire while basking in their warmth. The air was so quiet and peaceful; Brendan almost didn’t want to break the silence. But he had a question that had been on his mind for the past couple of days and he wanted to finally get an answer. 

Just then his thoughts were cut off guard by Aidan caressing his head.

“What is it, lad? You’ve got a rather anxious look on your face again.”

Brendan lightly bit his lip.

“You never really answered my question back then…” Brendan spoke up, propping himself up on Aidan’s chest. 

“Hm?” 

“When you look at me… Do you only see my mother?” Brendan asked.

The older monk gazed down at his apprentice.

“Ah… I do see her in you, lad. I find her in your eyes, your hair, even in your smile. But that’s not why I love you, Brendan.” Aidan answered, bringing his hand softly to the boy’s cheek.

This made Brendan perk up and sit on his lap.

“Then what is it?”

Aidan smiled and sat up, letting his arms gently wrap around Brendan’s waist.

“It’s your heart and courage, lad. It has been one of the few things that’s been helping me keep going in recent years… A while back you told me that I was the one who showed you the beauty in this world… But I think it was you who showed me there was still beauty in it,” Aidan smiled. 

Brendan didn’t know what to say. He felt so warm inside after hearing how much he truly meant to Aidan.  
With that, Brendan wrapped his arms around Aidan’s neck and kissed him.

The older monk was initially surprised by this, but he too found himself smiling and eased into Brendan’s kiss. Aidan held him close and lowered them back onto the cushions. Savoring their long-awaited kiss. 

Slowly they parted, and gazed into each other’s eyes. Aidan smiled at his beloved apprentice and gently stroked his cheek.

“I love you, Brendan.”

Brendan beamed down at his master.

“I love you too, Aidan.”

Seizing him for one more kiss before snuggling up with him under the fur covers. 

Aidan looped his arm around the lad’s waist, keeping him close while he took Brendan’s hand and intertwined his fingers with his own. Resting his cheek against Brendan’s head.

The two of them fell asleep together. Holding each other close. Knowing in their hearts that everything was going to be alright.


End file.
